salvaged faith

Confession of a repentant iowa caucus skipper

2012-01-03T23:41:00.001-06:00

The eyes of the world were fixed on Iowa tonight and the 2012 caucuses. And I sat on the floor in my living room, a bowl of fresh baked cheesy spaghetti in hand, and watched on television.

If I were to be asked for excuses for not going, I probably would have started by saying I was worn out after a long day. And I was. I got home late after doing a ton of paperwork all afternoon and into the evening. I was hungry, so I made a quick dinner and stayed home.

A second excuse might have been that it wasn't so important, since my party is electing an incumbent.

But that really gets to the heart of the matter... Admitting I have a side. Taking a side. Showing up to actively support a side.

It has been shared with me that my community has a history of vocal political pastors. And it rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. So, I came in, and for better or for worse, have decided to love people, but not be vocal or public about where I always stand politically. I will talk about issues as they come up and bring a faith perspective into the conversation... But I have mostly seen myself as the mediator of a debate, rather than one of the debators.

So, not showing up, means not publicly taking a side.

But then, I come across a comment from a classmate on facebook:

"Pastors are people too: citizens and voters and moral persons"

I might have been a neutral pastor tonight... But I was a lazy citizen. And having a perspective doesn't make me a bad pastor... Especially if I can model respectful engagement and dialogue with opposing viewpoints. What I kind of feel like is a coward, because there are ways of participating that don't hammer people over the head or make them feel uncomfortable or left out or whatever.

I am sad I missed out on an opportunity to be a good citizen, an active voter and a moral person with a voice tonight. Next time, I'm not going to sit on the sidelines... I am going to engage in the process and with my community... For better or for worse.

overwhelmed by thanks

2011-12-19T12:32:00.004-06:00

This past Sunday, as we were finishing up children's time and saying, "Amen," my pianist started playing a song.

We typically sing after children's time, so that there is something to carry the young ones back to their seats. Since there was nothing in the bulletin, I figured she was just improvising... which is totally fine with me.

So I stand up and start humming along and pretty soon I realize that there are people coming forward!

My congregation surprised me with a love gift for Christmas and also sang along to "You are my sunshine" as they brought the gift forward.

Not only did they bless me by each contributing something... our lay leader was brilliant and creative and packaged it in a truly spectacular way.

Yes... that is a Christmas tree with money bows. Or, as one of my lay people put it - a money tree... He also encouraged me to plant it and see what would grow =)

We all have days in our work and vocations where we just don't want to get up or complete our tasks. And we have those days when the work comes easy and it is a breeze and truly a joy to be a part of.

Like many people, I do this because I am called to it. I don't do it for the praises, and I am more than aware that most people, in most of their jobs do not get thanked nearly enough for the hard work and long hours that they put in.

And, like any good midwesterner, I get downright flushed by compliments. I respond back with, "It's no big deal" or "It's my job!" and try to remember to say "you're welcome." We try to deflect those thank-yous and praises, because we like to work and the work in itself is often enough for us.

But every now and then, when someone says "thank-you"... it can truly be overwelming. And there suddenly are no words. When you get a sense of just how much someone (or a whole church fully of people) really appreciates what you have been doing... well, then that little lump rises in your throat and makes it hard to respond back with a deflection.

I have never been very disciplined about writing thank-you notes... especially not growing up. But lately, I have been trying to make "thank-yous" a more important part of my ministry. There are so many people who bless my life every week with their hours of service, with their kind words, with their prayers, with their food, and by simply being a good friend and someone to be there. People who help me clean up at the church, or who have made our youth a priority in their lives, or always go the extra mile to help get something done.

At School for Ministry this past year, we were encouraged to write 10 thank-you notes a week to people in our congregations, thanking them for the ministry, support, and encouragement they offer.

My initial goal was five per week, but I realized quickly that there are far more that 5 people a week who need to be thanked. It has really given me the opportunity to appreciate the many ways our laity are serving and giving of themselves.

A simple verbal thank-you is not enough. Because we deflect. We brush them off.

But a hand-written note, with heartfelt thanks... well, that's hard to ignore.

So is a money tree... and if I can get mine to grow, maybe I can bless others that same way ;)

surprising indeed...

2011-11-29T11:36:00.001-06:00

I have been trying to really practice the season of Advent this year. I have a nightly devotion by Adam Hamilton that I am reading (The Journey) and I have been following that advent calendar at bustedhalo.com each morning. They call it their "Advent Suprise Calendar" and it has truly brought me joy and really kindled some provoking thoughts, just in the three days I have participated already.

Every day there is a quote or a clip from some famous personality or character. And I think what is truly surprising is that you see a side of people you never typically see. You find them talking about their lives, their experiences of Christmas, and you realize that they are normal people. Normal people who might actually have a faith journey just like I do. In my "God on the Small Screen" blog, I have tried to do a similar thing with the television shows I watch... finding the redeeming, inspiring, and unexpected nuggets of faith, hope, and love in the secular world. So this whole Advent Surprise Calendar is right up my alley.

And then there is the microchallenge. A little poke in the right direction this time of year. A reminder of what this season of Advent is all about... preparing for Jesus to enter our lives once again. These little nudges invite us into relationship with friends and family and strangers, unlike many trite little reflections which offer a prayer and then you are done thinking about it for a while. Yesterday we were encouraged to play a game with a friend (which I didn't get the chance to do), on the first day it was to share a hopeful story from the newspaper with someone we know. No chocolates here... no magic doors to open... but life and sharing and relationships are the little gifts we recieve as we journey towards the birth of Christ.

Take a peek... and join the journey!

self-haters no more

2011-11-26T20:13:00.001-06:00

I am now in the habit of stalking my youth group members on facebook... not to see what kinds of mischeif they are into... but to remind them that they are amazing children of God.

I have often commented on the lack of respect among some of the youth in our community these days... but I have realized that it extends to (or maybe is rooted in) self-respect. Kids in this town just don't believe in themselves. Or rather, they believe the hurtful and negative things that come out of their classmates' and family members' and "friends" mouths more than they will believe what is inside themselves.
These young men and women are smart. They are creative. They are quick to defend someone who is down. They are excellent athletes. And they don't believe that they are worth anything. They spend too many hours a day getting yelled at or picked on or teased or putting other people down and puffing themselves up so that they WON'T have those things happen to them.

They really just need someone to remind them that they are loved.

That THEY matter.

That they are beautiful - inside and out.

That they have a whole lifetime of possibility in front of them.

That this particular guy or situation or game or mistake will not haunt them forever.

My top goal in youth ministry this next year is to respond to every self put-down I hear/see/read. I'm not going to let them get away with it. The world tears us down too much to tear our own selves down.

And even if they won't believe that they have anything to offer... I can remind them over and over again that that is okay, too. That God takes us how we are and makes us amazing. That even nobodies can be vessels for God's glory and power. In fact... being a nobody, being a misfit, being an outcast makes you perfectly suited for the work of the Holy Spirit. And that our Lord and Savior can take all of our pain and shame and anger and frustration and can hold it for us... can set us free and can help us really live.

Life is too short to belittle the love and the grace and the power of God that rests inside of me. too beautiful to ignore all of my special gifts and quirks and talents. I am a unique and wonderful creation, precious in his eyes. And each one of my youth are, too. I'm going to remind them of that...

my good deeds are like a tampon...

2011-11-23T10:31:00.001-06:00

In this week's lectionary readings we find a prayer from Isaiah 64. The tide has turned in Isaiah's (or second Isaiah's) thoughts and no more are there promises of destruction... now there are promises of salvation and pleas for God to act.

"If only you would tear open the heavens and come down!" Isaiah cries.

It is a lament, for Isaiah looks at himself and at his people and knows why God is not answering. The people have sinned and turned their backs. So God is waiting.

As I read this prayer today with my lectionary group, I was unprepared for the next line in the scripture. As I remember the translation there was always something about filthy rags... but as I read along in my new Common English Bible, the verse leaped off the page:

"We have all become like the unclean; all our righteous deeds are like a menstrual rag."

To be unclean - ritually unclean - means that a person is temporarily unsuited to take part in holy activities like prayer, sacrifice, fasting, etc. Temporary is the key word there. A ritual impurity, such as that caused by contact with bodily fluids or menstruation, are not permanent states of being.

In order to become clean again... a ritual washing is required. Sometimes just the hands, sometimes full emersion. But washing none the less.

When Isaiah uses this concept in the passage, he is connecting the hearts of the people to their worship. He is connecting a physical reality to a spiritual one. Because of their sins, they have defiled themselves. God doesn't want them in the presence of the divine right now. Like it will later say in Malachai 1:10 -

"Who among you will shut

the doors of the temple^c

so that you don’t burn something

on my altar in vain?

I take no delight in you,

says the LORD of heavenly forces.

I won’t accept a grain offering

from your hand."

When our lives are filled with sin, good deeds mean nothing. They can't earn us a place in God's heart. In fact, the hypocrisy of them only serves to anger our Lord more, because they cover up the truth... that we need to be washed clean.

That we need to be transformed from the inside out.

That we need our Holy Potter to take our misshapen clay and to form us once again.

Come, Holy God, tear open the heavens and wash us clean.

size 8

2011-11-22T10:20:00.000-06:00

I think one of the hardest things for a pastor of a United Methodist Church to do is to lose weight.

There is food everywhere.

And not just food... good food.

Baked goods after church.

"Snacks" which amount to a three course meal during bible studies.

Church suppers.

Youth group (and the leftovers which get sent home with me).

Food everywhere.

And I like food.

About 6 weeks ago, I started working out more on a regular basis. I'm doing this combo of weight training and cardio and I'm following the plan outlined with the dvd's and I'm trying (trying!) to eat better.

Sometimes the scale doesn't always show results, but the tape measure has... an inch here, two inches there.

I can actually see definition in my arms - I have biceps!!!!!

And yesterday, when a gift card from my favorite store arrived in the mail, I went shopping.

And fit perfectly into a pair of size 8 brown trouser pants.

I'm realizing that the more I talk about my goals, the easier it is to accomplish them. So thinking long range, a size 6 might be nice... I'm not sure I ever wore a size 6 - to be perfectly honest. But that size 8 pair of pants makes me SO happy. It is so encouraging to already see a difference and to celebrate that milestone. So I'm shouting it from the rooftops!

putting your money where your mouth is... even if it hurts

2011-11-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

Recently there has been a call on some of the social media outlets I follow... a call to take money out of the big banks.

As a part of the larger "occupy"movement, people are being asked to put their money where their mouth is... literally... and close their accounts with the the big guys on Wall Street and to move that money to local banks and community credit unions. A link to the pledge can be found here: http://www.rebuildthedream.com/move-your-money/

I like this idea. I appreciate local businesses. I like the accountability that comes when you are in personal contact with the people who take care of your money. I like that it is more than just feet on the ground complaining about things they don't like, but people willing to make changes in their personal lives based upon the message they are preaching.

I don't like what doing this would do to my personal credit rating.

When the pledge first crossed my desk, I immediately went and started searching for information on the statewide United Methodist supported credit union. I looked at loan rates and credit card rates and started doing the math to see what kind of a personal financial impact it would have if I closed my accounts with the "big banks" and moved my debt and my checking account somewhere more local.

My Bank of America credit line has been around for over 11 years. As a freshamn in college, I caved to the credit card pressure... but it was a "Working Assets" card - and they donated 1% every year to non-profits that you get to choose. At the time, I justified my decision, thinking it was the "conscientious choice"... if I was going to have a credit card, that's the one I wanted. But they were bought out by the big guys and I've been with BoA ever since. Because I have been with them for a while, and pay my bills faithfully, it is also my largest line of credit.

The only line of credit I have with Citigroup is fairly new... and I opened the card to transfer some balances with no interest so that I could work on paying off debt from college/seminary/long-distance-relationship-plane-tickets...

To close the first account and to open a new one would drastically reduce both my average age of open credit lines and my open card utilization percentage... thereby significantly affecting my credit score (especially since I have that newer line of credit from only a year ago).

To transfer balances would involve fees and especially with the Citigroup account, I still have another year of no interest and would rather spend that time paying off that little amount, rather than incurring another fee and having to pay interest.

Argh...

Sometimes, doing something that is seems right, hurts. Taking a stand involves personal cost. Finding the courage to literally put our money where our mouth is... priceless.

(sorry, I couldn't resist).

But we should spend time wrestling with financial questions.

Where is my money invested?
Who benefits from my money/debt?
What kind of transformative change does the power of a single dollar have?
Does my bank align with my values?
What kind of damage does debt do to my spiritual life?
What does your spending say about your spiritual life?

All sorts of thoughts are rolling around in my head, all as a result of a little tweet.

possibilities...

2011-10-11T12:23:00.000-05:00

Ten days ago, our church had a fall committee retreat to begin dreaming/planning/living into the new vision for our church (to reflect the light of God). My people worked SO hard and did such an amazing job and we now have five vision areas and four key results that we want to work (with God's help) to achieve:

We want to reflect the light of God by:

1) Spending time in the light

2) Being on FIRE as a church

3) Being a beacon in our community

4) Passing the light on

5) Letting our little lights shine.

And the areas we want to see results in are:

1) Be intentional about helping each person connected to our church grow spiritually

2) Empower every person to claim their gifts/assets and offer them to others.

3) Become a more visible presence in the community to make a positive difference for good.

4) Care for and about every person who comes through (or has come through) our doors.

As we continue to imagine the possibilites, we are revamping our administrative and committee structures, we are throwing out new ideas, we are leaving behind things that bog us down, and I am so re-invigorated for what ministry can look like here in Marengo. It is so much fun to be a part of this church and to keep dreaming about where we might end up!

now for a little fluff...

2011-10-05T10:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's post was hard!!! It includes a lot of stuff that I have been wanting to say/express for a while, or at the very least a beginning...

I wrote that post and then I drank a cup of coffee and headed outside. It was 70 degrees by 9:00am - which is awesome for October 4th. I had spent most of the previous day weeding, cleaning out my garden, preping a flower bedand taking stuff to the community waste pile. Today's task was to plant.

And plant I did! I first cultivated and then broke up the dirt in a 4x12' bed and planted 100 tulip bulbs (yellows, whites and purples), 100 crocus bulbs, 50 wolf's bane and 50 white squill. The last three are all early spring flowers and I'm just dreaming about the little white, yellow and purple flowers dotting above the snow! I also carefully marked out space in that bed to add some other perennials in the spring. I need to split my sedum plants, and I want to add some delphinium and salvia. I'm hoping that this will be an easy to care for and maintain sort of area!

In the other large flower bed I have, I spent the afternoon planting 100 more tulip bulbs (oranges and purples here), 50 allium (metallic pink), and again, the spread of the early flowering bulbs. I also dug up and replanted my irises that are in this area to help them be more evenly spread over the whole area.

I think the best part of my day came when this wonderful woman across the street asked me how it was going. All the bulbs were in and she THANKED me... She gets to look out her window at them in the spring, too, and she THANKED me for all the hard work I did. I guess I hadn't quite thought of it like that, but what I'm doing right there brings joy to other people, also.

I finished up the evening by taking some of the green tomatoes I pulled off the plants yesterday and making fried green tomatoes. YUM. I ate them with maple chipotle glazed chicken tenders and some pasta salad. So delicious.

My shoulders ache... my left hand has two majorly huge blisters that are severly hampering my ability hold things... and the fruit of my labor is still five to six months away... but it was the perfect way to spend two gorgeous autumn days.

What tires you?

2011-10-04T09:27:00.001-05:00

I recently had my annual interview with my conference superintendent. We talked about what was going on in the church, the joys and the struggles of ministry in a small town like Marengo, and I had a chance to talk about what I feel is a calling to revitalize small to medium sized churches like the one I am currently serving.

But about three fourths of the way through our conversation, he stopped me and said: A few times now you have used phrases like "in a rut," "tired," and "wears me out." What is going on with that?

I had not even realized that I had been doing it. And as I sat there and thought, my work had very little to do with why I was feeling that way. My ministry was feeling some of the side effects of what was going on in other parts of my life.

So I've been thinking really hard this week about what exactly it is that is wearing me out. Stress, conflict, exhaustion in some areas of our lives bleed through to the ones that are going well. So you can't ignore it. You have to figure it out and work on dealing with it.

What is wearing me out?

To have a baby or not

It seems like everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby. I'm twenty-nine years old and I was convinced that I would have babies (yes, plural) by this point. But my husband doesn't want children. He can't imagine how they would fit into our crazy, busy lives. And he's right. Our lives as they are right now don't work for children. They would have to change. I am okay with that, he's not.

So, for months now, we have been avoiding the conversation. And not having a conversation is as hard as having it. I mean, how do you compromise on something like that? Either we have kids or we don't... One of us is going to not get our way. And that reality in itself is hard for someone like me, who wants it to be fair for everyone, to deal with.

But, we finally did it. We had the conversation. A big, long conversation. As I thought about all of the things that I am asking my husband to compromise on in this life as a pastor's spouse (where we live, when we move, what kind of community we live in, potentially asking his own work to take a back seat at some point), I want to try to let him have this one. And in the end, I promised that I would live into the reality and sit with the idea that we aren't going to have kids. As I have done this these past few weeks, it has been easier. The craziness that is teenage life expressed among my youth group kids helps (yikes! I pity you parents!). Having adorable nephews and a niece to pour out all of my love on makes a huge difference (I can spoil them and wind them up and then leave!). And considering the fact that I have not had a weekend free since the middle of August, our lives really are just too crazy to stick a baby into the middle of it right now.

That doesn't mean that every time I see a baby I don't get a twinge in my heart. It doesn't mean that I'm 100% okay with not having kids. But I love my husband. And to be honest, I love my crazy and busy life, too. And so we are going to try to make this decision work. But, please, for now, stop asking when we are going to have kids!

Family stress

There is a lot going on in my extended family right now that also adds stress and conflict and emotional burdens to my life right now. So much so that as I sat in a funeral for a friend's grandparents this past weekend, the tears just would not stop. I'm mourning the loss of what was and it feels like we can never go back... the relationships are so damaged that I really cannot see a way forward. Carrying that pain is exhausting, but letting it go means that I have given up.

That conflict seems to also affect other relationships that are experiencing conflict... ones that would not have been so burdensome otherwise. When I see firsthand what happens when problems are not addressed, and then watch other people in my life make similar choices to sweep things under the rug, I cringe, imagining the worst of what might happen.

I am so grateful for my brothers who are right there beside me walking this hard road and I can already see the ways that my family has been brought closer together as we protect and love and support one another... and as we commit ourselves to talking about what is going on in our lives, instead of pretending.

Exercise? What's that?
The hard part about really loving your work is that it takes over your life if you let it. And I have. It has been so flexible lately that I don't have a routine for my home life. And so I'm doing good things and come home tired and instead of taking care of myself (especially my body), I sit in front of the television and let my brain turn into a pile of goo. Exercise gives endorphins and makes you feel good and I just have not been keeping up with it lately. But my mom and I are going to start holding one another accountable and that should help. =)

Our lives need balance and they need support. When one area of our relationships or work or health is not functioning fully, the whole system can fall apart. So take a good hard look... what is tiring you out? And what can you do to take that seriously?

God and conflict

2011-09-24T10:04:00.001-05:00

This morning, I find myself gathering with brothers and sisters preparing for General and Jurisdictional conferences. We are retreating to get to know one another better and to prepare our hearts and minds for the journey.

The first thing we started with today was to ask about where God has been present in history. Our first instinct was to think about times and acts of reconciliation, love, compassion, and growth in knowledge.

But then our leader asked: what about conflict? Does God only act to bring blessing, or does God also shake things up?

The scriptures are FULL of conflict and tension... Between siblings, internal wrestling, prophets vs kings, Jesus vs the pharisees, Jews vs Christians, insiders and outsiders, clean and unclean, power and poverty, old ways and new ways... Sometimes that conflict is a result of our fallen nature... But sometimes, God is the instigator. Sometimes the Holy Spirit is moving. Sometimes chaos is introduced into our feeble attempts at order in order to move us back to faithfulness.

The hardest question we are going to face as the people of God is discerning what conflicts are based in our failings/sins/brokenness and which ones are prompted by God calling us to different ways. When are we speaking a prophetic word, and when are we only justifying our preconceived notions. When is the Holy Spirit moving and when are we falling into the base ways of the world.

May God grant us wisdom... And may the Holy Spirit keep moving among us.

#endthedeathpenalty

2011-09-22T00:12:00.001-05:00

katiez - for all that we have done... and left undone. for all that we have said... and left unsaid. Lord have mercy. #deathpenalty

hughlh - "You can say they deserve to die, but the key moral question is 'Do we deserve to kill?'" -- Helen Prejean

Mike Oles - Mourning for America tonight. This shouldn't happen here... And then I saw a slick pr ad for tar sand oil. Climate change or death penalty, it's time to be organized and start winning all of these struggles.

Thom Dawkins - To (poorly, unfairly) paraphrase an acquaintance: We need mercy always, and tonight, we settled for justice. In the process, we've let ourselves become hardened and unjust.

AndAFool - Remember when Amos said "Let executions roll down like waters...", or Jesus said "I have come to proclaim execution to the captives..."?

julieclawson - Today, on the Intl Day of Peace, the US blocked Palestinian statehood, executed 2 men, arrested Wall Street protestors and bombed Libya.

TerryRamoneSmit - "Only in the USA can you get away with being pro-war AND pro-death penalty and yet call yourself pro-life." - @hughlh

lcleeland - I love this country, but not so much tonight. #troydavis

EugeneCho - I'm sorry for my vulgarity but if there's ever an appropriate time to shout "F*ck" and turn tables, this would be the time. #troydavis

thinkprogress - "People who are well represented at trial do not get the death penalty."-- Ruth Bader Ginsburg

rabbijosh - "@thinkprogress: TroyDavis: Another man confessed. 7 eyewitnesses recanted. Police accused of coercing witnesses. No DNA. No murder weapon."

matthewlkelley - in jesus, god shows that death does not have the last word. state sanction executions are the act of a kingdom whose reign will not last....

tamrenb - There is another Troy Davis in a cell somewhere in America. Pray for him.

megateer - Two men will have been executed tonight. One, very much guilty, another, guilt in much doubt. Even in stark contrast, #deathpenaltyiswrong .

timbrauhn - Restorative justice will someday reign in the America that I know and love. Compassion and truth will guide our path. RIP Troy Davis

nate_nims - Pray for Tory Davis, Georgia, the SCOTUS and true, restorative justice. #wearealltroydavis

godgrrl - #TroyDavis I could throw up. Ashamed.

laurenmroden - Praying for #troydavis, his fam & fam of Officer MacPhail. "To take a life when a life has been lost is revenge, not justice." Desmond Tutu

NickKristof - When smart people debate whether or not a man should be executed, that's a good reason not to execute him. #TroyDavis.

PastorBradS - MacPhail family, my heart aches for your lost, but the death of another human being won't bring you peace. Only Christ can. #toomuchdoubt

amaeryllis - I really don't understand the eagerness to execute. Justice is served at conviction, beyond that is just a test of our humanity.

tomtomorrow - rt @barryeisler Weird that the same people who don't trust govt to administer health insurance do trust it to put people to death.

EdgeofSports - "@jeremyscahill: #TroyDavis RT @barryeisler See, there really are death panels in America. We're watching one tonight in Georgia."

AfroWonk - RT @KoriHaart: Dear Georgia, It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one. -Voltaire

revbrad - "We believe the death penalty denies the power of Christ to redeem, restore, and transform all human beings" -UM Discipline #TroyDavis

alphaleah - #TroyDavis #DeathPenalty : So the man has been lying on a gurney, ready to be wheeled into be killed, for TWO HOURS, while this goes on.
sallykohn - Meanwhile, in Texas, Lawrence Russell Brewer executed at 7:21pm EST for dragging death of James Byrd

UnvirtuousAbbey - Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." #TroyDavis

JesusOfNaz316 - Grace > Justice System

Edpilkington - What's clear is that we are still in the waiting game. I'm a wreck by now so how mist #TroyDavis be feeling?

a day in the life...

2011-09-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

7:00am - alarm goes off

8:10am - start thinking about getting out of bed

8:30am - phone conversation with Trustee chairperson about the new shingles for the parsonage roof

8:50am - arrive at church, small talk with folks gathering for the Tuesday morning small group.

9:05am - phone call with Memorial chair about some checks that came in

9:10am - check emails, put checks into envelopes to pay some church bills

9:30am - Tuesday morning small group: food, devotions, prayer, conversation

11:00am - check in with some members of our co-missioned coordinating team to plan event on October 1

11:15am - scripture reading and exploring commentaries to get ready for Sunday

12:00pm - time spent thinking about hymns for Sunday interspersed with facebook (seeing what is going on in colleagues and members lives)

12:15pm - phone call with congregation member about an upcoming wedding

12:50pm - head home for lunch, heat up leftovers and watch an episode or two of Dr. Who

3:30pm - back to church to meet up with a youth... visit with a member and help transport some items being donated to Women at the Well (prison congregation)

4:45pm - conversation on the side of the road to coordinate a visit with some church folk

5:00pm - back home to make dinner: chicken, sauteed musrooms, wild rice

6:45pm - back to church for Lay Leadership meeting

7:10pm - start our meeting with devotions, discuss calling all who serve and changes in our organizational structure

8:10pm - head home. pajamas. computer.

9:30pm - movie with the husband

11:45pm - bed

Facebook parenting = 21st century coffee klatch

2011-09-15T11:28:00.000-05:00

Whenever we went back to my grandma and grandpa's house for holidays, the family gathered together in the living room and we told stories. Or rather, as the babe in the room I listened to stories, while my aunts and uncles and my mom told about the adventures and misadventures they found themselves in growing up.

Many times, their stories ended like this: "We thought we would get away with it, but by the time we got home, mom had already heard the news from her coffee klatch."

Stay-at-home moms gathered together for coffee and swapped stories about parenting, shared news, offered encouragement, and yes, told their own stories. They shared when there was a problem. And all of your friends' moms knew your business. They were out there looking out for you. Your mom did have eyes in the back of her head, and they belonged to Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Fields and Mrs. Rodgers down the street.

My parent's generation grew up and when they became parents, both of them typically worked. My own family lived out in the country and there wasn't a neighborhood so to speak of for us to run around in. Not that my mom would have time to be a part of a klatch anyways. The closest they got was the parents that hung out together on the sidelines of soccer games and t-ball games and football games. They became their own little community, but their interaction wasn't on a daily basis and as children, we didn't worry so much.

I am not a parent... and watching what kids in the world today deal with I'm not sure I want to be... but as I have watched over my youth and interacted with their parents, I have been intrigued by a new form of community parenting. Facebook.

As our preteens and teenagers explore the world and interact with eachother, facebook has become an intergenerational site. Moms and dads and grandparents are all online now in ever increasing frequency. And as our kids post about the dumb things they have done, they now get lectures from all sides. Even if they are not friends with their parents online, they are with other adults who look out for them and try to push them in positive directions.

I watched with great interest the other day as one youth recounted how he had crashed his moped. His mom posted something about being more careful and instantly she was backed up by three or four other parents who also were concerned and had their own advice to offer.

For parents who are at work during the day, but have access to the site through their cell phones or computers, Facebook is a way of keeping in touch with their kids wherever they may be. They daily talk with other parents. They stay up to date on what is happening all around them.

Social media sometimes is blamed for increasing depersonalization, but in this little small town, it just might be the coffee klatch of the 21st century.

something to identify as

2011-09-12T21:52:00.001-05:00

I heard a song on the radio this evening by Patrick Stump featuring Lupe Fiasco called, "This City." It's a new single, it has an okay beat and the lyrics are kind of lame. As one listener texted in, it sounds like a song that should be on high school musical. Teen pop, whatever.

But as I sat there thinking about the lyrics, I thought, here are two guys who are totally proud of their city, in spite of all of the bad things that happen in it. They mention corruption and gentrification and racism and even the weather, but they love that city (Chicago) anyways.

My emergent cohort read this month Tony Jones' new book "The Church is Flat." He describes a relational ecclesiology that he finds within emergent theology and emergent congregations across the United States. Being his doctoral dissertation, it is a bit heavy, but was a good mental exercise to explore.

As I drove in the car listening to this new song playing on the radio, running through my head was the conversation I had only an hour before about identity and belonging and authority.

Pulling from new social movement theory and characterizations, Jones claims that the emergent church movement helps people to claim a "new or formerly weak dimensions of identity." In the process, the "relation between the individual and the collective is blurred." The actions, behaviors and identity of a person become all wrapped up into the movement and your very participation in that movement gives you an identity.

Think about it like this: 50 years ago when a couple introduced themselves to new neighbors, one of the first sentences they might have shared was, "We go to the Methodist church." Their very identity was wrapped up in the church. They raised their children in the church. They belonged on the church softball team. But then came the 60's and 70's and that communal identity started to be questioned. The next generation would go back to the church only to raise their kids, if at all. And then the GenXers who followed were either not brought up in the church at all, or it was a background institution that had little to no bearing on their personal identity.

As an offhand comment, there was a mention somewhere in the book about how that dillusion of identity also has come from parents marrying outside of their denominational upbringing. A child of Lutheran-Methodist parents might have far less denominational loyalty as someone whose whole family has come from a particular tradition.

If we look at the religious landscape today, there are few who proudly claim their denominational identity as one of the primary markers of their personal identity. I have a friend or two with a "John Wesley is my homeboy" t-shirt, but they are few and far between. I am much more likely to encounter someone who tells me that they are a farmer or a vegetarian or a Marxist than I am to find someone in my daily walk who will tell me, I am a Presbyterian. Our churches do not form the core of our identities.

The claim that Jones makes in his book is that this is not true in emergent congregations. In these communities, the life of the individual is tied to the life of the movement. They claim it as a part of who they are. It impacts where they eat and what they buy and who they spend time with. And that is a conscious action based upon their identity.

I am torn at many times in my life between denominational loyalty and faithfulness to the Wesleyan understanding of community. While at times I hope and pray that they can be the same thing, there are many days when it is not so. I want to belong to and lead a church that lives out their faith every single day, that is committed to the virtues that community cultivates, and that deeply seeks to follow Jesus Christ and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, the institutional church just doesn't do it for me. Sometimes, I see glimpses and I'm energized once more.

I guess what I'm saying is, I want to write a song called "This Church." And I want to proudly proclaim to all the world that I love this church, in spite of its flaws. I found my faith in this church, it raised me to know and love God, and if I have my way I'm going to stay here. You can burn it to the ground, or let it flood, but this church is in my blood. And I want to be a part of a community that every day in small and ordinary ways, seeks the will of God in all that they do. I want to be a part of a community that has the gospel in its blood... whose very identity as individuals is predicated on their participation in the body of Christ called the church in this place.

Is that so much to ask?

a time and a place (#1bread1body)

2011-09-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

I am a child of my age. I carry my cell phone with me everywhere. I check facebook at least five times a day. In between episodes of my favorite streaming television shows on netflix, I hop onto an online forum to chat about what I just saw. I blog. I tweet. I sometimes play MMORPG's.

All of that means I am connected to hundreds of people every single day. Sometimes superficially... but sometimes on a really deep and intimate level.

I got to thinking the other day that the only time and place that I do not have my cell phone by my side is when I am at the front of the sanctuary next to the pulpit.

First of all, it would be totally embarassing if my cell phone went off during worship. Egads!

But second of all, what would people think if the pastor, the one who is leading it all, casually glanced down to see what was happening in the twitterverse, or heaven forbid, played angry birds during the offeratory! (we actually have a really amazing pianist, and I would never dream of doing anything but listening to her play... really - she's awesome)

It is a strange disconnect, however. For the rest of my life, I am connected electronically to other people, but for that small chunk of time it is just me and the people I can see/touch/smell in front of me.

75% of me thinks that is a good thing. We need to disconnect every now and then. We need to spend time with people in real and authentic ways - without being distracted by the next buzz from a phone. And afterall, worship is our response to God. The holy is the center of worship... not what my neighbor's dog had for breakfast.

But the other 25% of me believes there is a time and a place for everything. That in the right way, under the right circumstances, with the right intentions, some things just work.

Like painting a mural during the reading of scripture to illustrate the creation story.

Or dancing wildly with hands clasped together with the children to tell of the perichoretic nature of God.

Or telling jokes for an entire hour as we laugh in the face of death.

Or cussing from the pulpit.

We have the entire globe at our fingertips through social media... and it would be a shame to let those connections sit idly by on a day like World Communion Sunday when we celebrate our unity.

A friend of mine, Sean McRoberts and I, dreamed up this thing called "One Bread, One Body." For one morning, we want to hold our cellphones proudly and watch as the prayers of people all across the world are brought together in our times of worship. We are using the conferencing capabilities of twubs.com to create a live stream of these prayers and pictures that any congregation that wants to participate can use to join us.

There is a time and a place for many things... and I cannot dream up a better way to join together so that all may be one.

Fear or Dialogue?

2011-08-29T11:24:00.001-05:00

(This is a post I wrote last fall, but for some reason I never published... as we come closer to the tenth anniversary of September 11th, I thought I might go ahead and push the "publish" button)

A sort of running theme here on the blog on the past has been the very simple idea that an idea, a situtation, a truth is not black and white. When there are people involved, when there are feelings involved, when there is history involved, suddenly truth becomes a little technicolor and spins wildly out of control.

I have largely been staying out of the whole "Ground Zero Mosque" conversation, partly because I didn't have all of the information. And now, the information I get is so wildly varied that I don't know what to do about it. But I think even beyond that, I'm not quite sure what to say. There are many who have said what I feel better than I possibly could. But not saying anything, means that I am allowing myself to float out there in the nebulous zone of people who don't care... and that is not at all where I am.

So let's look a little at the playing field of this technicolor debate.

People on one side of the story are saying that it is "soft jihad" and the people are claiming control of territory they have conquered as a seat of muslim extremism and others claim that by going forward with this sort of community center and interfaith dialogue that Park51 is actually more of an American Muslim jihad against terrorism itself. These things claim exactly the opposite, so which is true?

Some say that it is at Ground Zero - on hallowed ground. Yet, from maps, it is actually 2 blocks away and there is already at least one mosque in the same area. Park51 is actually farther away from Ground Zero than a stripclub - which, by the way, doesn't appear to have too many problems with the new neighbor. The Associated Press is actually encouraging that we quit referring to this thing as the "Ground Zero Mosque" altogether, even though it was one of the first agencies to begin to use that language.

It's not entirely accurate to call the place a mosque either. Prayers have been happening at the space since 2009 and while Imam Feisal Abdul-Rauf will run the Cordoba House (the multifaith dialogue and community center), the mosque will become a separate non-profit and an Imam has not yet been chosen. The Park 51 site will include a swimming pool, restaurant and culinary school, auditorium, a 9/11 memorial, and on the side, a mosque.

Some believe it is an affront to all of those who died in the attacks on September 11, but as this article points out - survivors are conflicted... and survivors and survivors families were not only Christian, but atheist, and Jewish, and Muslim. To deny a place of worship and prayer for Muslim families who suffered loss and were destroyed by the viscious terrorist attack also seems cruel.

The simple fact is that its complicated. On a pastoral note, I understand that for some, this placement and site is a constant reminder of the roots of the violence that destroyed lives on September 11th. But American Muslims were not the ones who flew planes into the WTC. What we need is more interfaith dialogue and healing, not less. Those who are opposing the site have turned to an attack against Islam itself which only futhers the need for a space in which dialogue and cultural sharing can happen. It seems like we are losing our fundamental ideas of respect and religious tolerance that our nation was founded upon... though has often failed at embodying.

A fellow pastor reminds me that we have turned the construction of this one Islamic center into the center of the much larger debate about the place of Islam in our culture.

While the media has focused on the Ground Zero mosque for it’s symbolism, the fact is that in places like Murfreesboro and Antioch, TN there are even more heated battles over the ability of Muslims to build community centers and places of worship. In these places there is no symbolic consideration, no hallowed grounds to protect. No, the concerns raised are blatant NIMBYism, driven by the same motivations that led Puritans to tie Baptists to dunking stools and hold them under water until they drowned. And as folks search for justifications for their fears, the rhetoric rises and political leaders co-opt those fears for political purposes.

It makes me sick that we are so easily willing to succumb to fears about the other. It makes me just as angry to see the signs of protest waving over these mosques as it does when I see Christians waving around "God Hates Fags" signs.

When Christ encountered those who were different from himself - the Samaritan woman at the well, the adulterer about to be stoned, he told them the truth in love. He was honest with them. He was honest with himself. But above all, he showed love and compassion towards them. He offered them life and he offered them hope. He invited them to travel with him.

Every time that we push someone away and judge without grace, we turn our backs on Christ. Every time we perpetuate lies and encourage others to fear another human being, we turn our backs on Christ. Every time we point out the speck in our neighbors eye without first removing the log from our own, we turn our backs on Christ. I am just as guilty of this as the next. I have as much to confess about my fears and biases and places of intolerance as another. But confess we must. Be truthful we must. We must join together with open eyes and open hearts and be willing to listen.

In a completely unrelated occurance, I stumbled across this video.

If a dog and an elephant can become best friends and display that kind of trust with one another... and if an old warehouse building a few blocks away from Ground Zero can be transformed to help us do that... then why should we stop it? I don't know the players involved. I don't know their hearts, only the intentions that they have publicly stated. But I pray that if they are allowed to go forward with their building that the center has the courage and the strength to help us transform our conversations with Islam in this country and in the world.

best customer service ever

2011-08-27T12:17:00.000-05:00

For the Iowa Annual Conference this year, our conference artist created a gallery in our meeting space. It housed a collection of works from various people and each piece connected with our theme of Radical Hospitality with Justice.

The room itself was a conversation space. Chairs arranged for discussion, room to move, room to reflect, post-its on the wall to share thoughts. The art grew and expanded as we interacted with it.

But our artist, Ted Lyndon Hatten, wanted it to move beyond that room. So we were provided with nametags that indicated we wanted to continue talking about an issue.

And he asked if I would help the conversations continue via social media.

Of course, I jumped at the opportunity. And the first place I looked was twubs.com

You see, Twubs takes conversations that are happening on twitter and brings them all to one place. By using a hashtag, you can make a page, a bulletin board, embeddable widgets... it is a fantastic way to gather together the various thoughts. The best part is that it also then can live stream those tweets for display on something like the HUGE screens we use for worship.

Its a great idea... but due to my experimentation, I somehow messed up my initial twub. And linked to the wrong account. And then changed the hashtag. In about 25 minutes, what I wanted to create was now in three different twubs and I couldn't figure out how to change/merge/edit any of them.

Problem, right?

I tweeted in frustration - someone who has used these twubs before... HELP!

And five minutes later, I had a phone call.

It was the guy who created Twubs.com. He called me, on my phone, and asked how he could help. He quickly fixed the back end issue, merged my accounts, closed the one I didn't want, and it was exactly how I needed it... in less that two minutes.

I was having an awful experience with the site and probably never would have turned to the media again. But because of that personal, helpful, compassionate response, I would recommend it to anyone in a heartbeat.

I had a similar experience with our local McDonald's. After getting my food, it was cold, sloppy (who leaves the cheese off of a double cheeseburger?!), and the workers were rude. So I complained via their online comment form and got a personal letter of apology, gift cards, coupons for free samples come every couple of months, and they have worked their butts off to keep me as a customer. It worked.

In this world, negative feedback can destroy a company. All it takes is one person having a bad experience and suddenly that comment is all over facebook, twitter, angie's list, you name it. Reviews make or break someone's future usage and purchases. But when you shower someone with service, quick responses, and personal care, suddenly a negative experience can turn into a fantastic walking advertisement.

Having that amazing experience with twubs made me think long and hard about life in the church.

As a pastor, I am glad that people don't run home and write on facebook or on twitter "Wow, I had a really bad experience at church today!" Because that is AWFUL press and if someone made those kinds of comments, you probably wouldn't ever see them again.

On the other hand, most people don't give any feedback. They just stop going to church. As a pastor or a visitation minister you don't know what the problem is, and so it is hard to be quick to respond. If someone actually made a post like the one above, I would be able to ask what happened, I would be able to clear up questions. But when you don't know, you can't respond.

There is a gray line that I face in ministry between being pushy and being pastoral. When I notice that someone hasn't been in worship for a while, my first instinct is to send a little note, telling them we miss them. But if a response isn't heard, do you make a phone call? Do you knock on the door? Do you guilt someone into coming back?

In these customer experiences with twubs.com and McDonald's, I think the message is to kill them with kindness. Be available. Be personal. Let them know they are loved and precious to your ministry. And don't forget them... even if they don't respond right away. I am always impressed that I keep getting coupons for McDonald's. I know that I was probably just added to some mailing list of disgruntled customers, but when those coupons arrive, I feel special and I remember that experience and that someone took the time to listen to me.

I absolutely hate comparing ministry to the world of business, but I wonder what else we might learn in pastoral care from twenty-first century customer service.

Idiotology

2011-08-25T08:53:00.001-05:00

There has been a lot of talk on the airwaves lately about ideology.

Mostly regarding economics and politics and the way people played chicken with this debt ceiling question.

As I heard a debate a few weeks ago, I actually thought that someone had said "idiotology" and it got me thinking.

Are our attachments to certain beliefs just plain stupid?

One part of me wants to leave the post right there, with the question dangling. But the other part of me wants to start making a list of all the beliefs we hold that classify as "idiotology." My better instincts are prevailing...

Let me just say that a blind holding to a line of argument without regard to context, new information, audience, or actually listening to a differing viewpoint often leads us down the paths of "idiotology."

I'm not going to point fingers... but it is going to be a LONG election cycle.

And looking ahead to our own Christian conferencing in the United Methodist Church with General Conference in 2012, I pray that idiotology might stay far, far away from our deliberations.

a church that agrees too often

2011-08-24T15:53:00.000-05:00

After a few years in my congregation, I realized I had a major, however, hidden problem...

My church didn't know how to disagree.

This may not seem like a problem on the surface. What pastor wouldn't be thrilled by a church that jumped right on board with their requests and was quick to respond in the affirmative to a query.

The problem is... not all my ideas are that great. And instead of really tackling an issue and building consensus, a quick yes with no discussion was getting us no where. No one gained ownership. The formation of better and stronger ideas through brainstorming was not being accomplished. I learned a quick yes was far worse than a toughly battled over no.

There was an underlying issue that was at the root of this "problem." A church with a history of conflict was finally in a place of peace. No one wanted to rock the boat. No one wanted to disagree for fear of starting a whole new season of problems. It was easier to say, "okay," than to step up and take the risk.

A culture of yes, however is just as harmful as a culture of no. I could never be sure if people really agreed with an idea or were just too unsure of themselves to say anything. It is eerie having an administrative board meeting that only takes 15 minutes because everyone votes up the agenda items without discussion.

This past winter, I gathered our leadership together to begin tackling the problem. I wanted to let them know it was okay to disagree. It was okay to have an opinion. This was a safe place to raise questions and bring up different ideas.

So we played a little game: Early Bird vs. Second Mouse.

I had found the game on a site full of ice-breakers, but I knew instantly that it would be helpful. The group was divided into two opposing sides and each was tasked with defending a statement. One half of the room had to prove "The early bird gets the worm" and the other half had to support "The second mouse gets the cheese."

Each statement has its own merits. And it wasn't anything that any of our folks would take personally.

First, each group had to discuss amongst itself and figure out why their statement was the best. This took brainstorming, conversation, and creativity.

Second, each group had to figure out how to present their position to the other half of the group and myself, the impartial judge. I was amazed at their energy, their humor, and their abundance of good and thoughtful responses.

At the end, we asked if anyone had been swayed by the other side's argument. One or two did say that they naturally felt like the other side fit more in line with their own life philosophy, so it was hard to defend their own statement.

It was a good conversation, but then I took it a step deeper. I asked them why they thought we were playing this game. And I asked them to think of the last time they disagreed in a meeting.

In the end, we laid out some ground rules for future conversations and I think we instilled a sense of safety and comfort for some of the hard decisions we would face later in the year.

It was a fun morning of disagreement. And I say that because I firmly believe that conflict is not in and of itself a bad thing.

dear diary...

2011-08-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

I was never really someone who kept a diary growing up. I think I had about five different books with an entry that launched into a diatribe about how I was going to start journaling, and then an entry later the pages turn empty.

I was never really someone who really told other people my secrets either. Not that I had a lot of secrets - but I moved around from group of friend to group of friend for a while growing up. I didn't live in a neighborhood where there were other kids around that I hung out with. So as my teachers changed, so did my friends.

Until middle school. And then six beautiful girls bonded in a strange and wonderful way. There were others who came in and out of our circle, but somehow it was always the six of us when it really came down to things. It is still the six of us.

Add caption

And then there was my husband... well, for a long time boyfriend, then fiance then husband. I think more than anyone else in the entire world, he has been the person who truly knows me inside and out, for better or for worse.

I hope that we all have these small enclaves of people to turn to - whether your spouse, or your best friend(s), or even a diary to pour yourself out to. For many people prayer also fills this role in their lives because they have a deep and vunerable and authentic prayer life.

But lately, with some things, that isn't always enough. I am yearning to shout from the rooftops this "thing" that I'm struggling with. I want the whole world to know and I want them to care and I want them to help me figure it out. I want to be able to actually and authentically talk with the people who are in the midst of this situation with me and I want them to actually and authentically talk back.

I'm working up the courage to actually blog about it. To put my own thoughts out there for the world to see. In small groups of friends, I have talked about it, but I think there is something cathartic about writing that I just have not done yet. It is too personal, too frustrating, with too many unresolved threads. But maybe I just need to do it and see what happens.

do I look/act like a pastor?

2011-08-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

Today, a young man wandered into our church building and needed a place to sit for a while. He looked like he was having a hard time and wanted a quiet place to think, pray, wrestle.

I invited him upstairs to our sanctuary and told him he was welcome to stay as long as he needed to.

In the middle of the day, I had to run a few errands, so I crept upstairs to see if he was ready to go. Bent over in prayer, I didn't have the heart to ask him to leave. I let him know I would have to go, but that the door would be unlocked and he could stay in peace. He was grateful... evidently he had already tried another church in town and it had been closed. I tried to think if any of the other churches would have staff present at that time of day and I honestly wasn't sure. It is a small town and pastors are often visiting or in meetings. We can't all afford full time staff for the office. And often our buildings are closed and locked when there are not people present. It is a sad, but honest reality.

photo by: Dennis Rassing

About 45 minutes later, I came back in. I checked on him and asked if he was okay. I asked if he needed anything. He didn't really seem to want to talk. So I left him to sit and made my way back downstairs.

He came down later and asked if the Catholic church in town had a confessional. I gently explained that our local priest had three congregations and I wasn't sure if he was here in Marengo today. He lowered his shoulders and left the building, thanking me for the use of the space.

As a few minutes went by, I wondered why I had not offered to hear his confession. Mediated individual confession is not something we do often in the Wesleyan traditions. Often, our prayers are between us and God and the presence of a pastor/priest is not always considered. We corporately offer confession and we leave space for silent individual confession, but it is not thought of as a means of grace in the same way it is in other traditions. It didn't cross my mind, to be honest. Well, not until he was already gone. Maybe I doubted my ability to offer what he was looking for.

But then I began to wonder if he had even thought of me as a pastor. He walked into the church and saw me sitting behind a desk. I could have been anyone. A secretary, a volunteer. Was there anything about me that would have led him to believe that I was someone who was willing and able to offer forgiveness and grace to him? That I have been called to God to offer prayer and time and the word with him? Or did he simply see a nice young woman sitting behind a desk, who offered a place to sit for a while? As he asked about the local Catholic church, was his background such that he would have even considered a female to be someone he could talk with about what was on his mind?

For the first time in a long time, I wished that I had been wearing a clerical collar in the office. I wished I had a name tag on that said "Pastor Katie." I know I told him my name and I asked for his, but now I can't remember if I had mentioned I was the pastor. We don't normally have folks walk in off the street, but it does happen. And I want them to know that I am here for them... and in a small town like this, I want them to know that a pastor is available and willing to minister to them in whatever way that they need. In some ways, I feel like I failed in that today. I take a lot for granted and I get comfortable in my own skin in the office. I didn't think intentionally about carving out space for my pastoral role regarding this particular person.

But then again, maybe space was all he needed. A friendly face, a non-judgmental smile, a place to sit.

That young man remains in my prayers. I don't know where he came from or where he is going. I pray that although I wasn't the person he turned to, and although I might not have responded the way I should have, that he will find the peace and the comfort that he is seeking.

Making the Congregation Cry

2011-08-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

This has been an insanely busy summer... vacation, a new nephew, mission trips, fundraisers, cleaning at the church...

So I have tried to make my summer a bit easier by working through Romans with the congregation.

Ha.

In some ways, it hasn't been that bad. Each piece kind of follows on the one before it, so I am continuing a train of thought about grace and mercy for us and others all summer long.

But last week, I combined chapters 9 and 10 and talked about how Paul was just aching in his bones with grief for his brothers and sisters who had rejected Jesus Christ.

I asked the church to think of their friends or family members who were resistant to the gospel or had left the church or had never been told about the good news of Jesus Christ. I asked them to think about the people their own hearts ache for.

I know that there are many who have personally expressed to me concern about a loved one. I have commiserated, having a husbad who isn't really into God himself(see "Lost My Religion").

But there was something about what the Holy Spirit did in that sermon that really moved people. Everywhere I looked, people were wiping their eyes, trying not to tear up, or digging out a tissue.

I think there are so many people in this world who really want to share their faith and share the love of God and they just don't know how. They are afraid of rejection, they are unsure of their own story, and they "know" their family too well.

Just watching those tears come last Sunday opened my eyes to the real need for a group who is interested in learning about faith sharing. In practicing faith sharing. In having a community who is just as genuinely heartsick as they are to tell others about the love of God they have found.

I have one lesson plan that I have written about evangelism and the gospel of Mark, but it is more of a thinking sort of study, than a heart/practical look. Any suggestions of places to start?

Knowledge and knowledge

2011-07-18T21:17:00.002-05:00

Many have been discussing lately social media monitoring of clergy and candidates/ordinands. A post by sheyduck on Everyday Theology got me thinking about my one hesitancy regarding the issue.

As I posted there...

There is a tendency of some who do not understand social media, to use it as an evaluation method, rather than understanding online discussions as works in progress. 20 years ago if you were to publish something, it was final and complete and authoritative... Now, you push a button and your best understanding of something at a particular moment is out there... But it can be edited and critiqued and the knowledge can grow in comments and follow-ups. It's a different way of thinking about what is true, and I worry that some who monitor ordinands conversations won't understand that.

Earl Creps described generational differences in knowledge in his book, Reverse Mentoring: How Young Leaders Can Transform the Church and Why We Should Let Them. I heard him talk about the book to a small group at University of Northern Iowa's Wesley Foundation.

One of the things that struck me most was an analogy he used regarding knowledge.

He described folks his parents age (60+) who saw Knowledge as something important, rare and treasured. It was kept inside of beautiful buildings that you had to have special passes to access, aka, libraries.

People in his own generation (40-60) started to have access in much more profound ways. At the library, a whole world of microfilm was available, the internet started making its way in and so the scope of Knowledge expanded. Tools helped you to access what you needed.

But younger generations see knowledge in a completely different way. Knowledge itself has become a tool. There is so much knowledge, and all of it at your fingertips, that it is almost a worthless, commodity. Instead, its about using the hacking the system, using the knowledge for other things like community, status, work, etc. It is chopped up into bits and bytes and reassembled in a thousand different ways on blogs and forums.

I understand that Knowledge isn't one right answer out there, but the way that knowledge changes and grows and expands through conversation, exploration, experience, revelation, and any number of other means. That means my answers will never be complete. That means I will probably have more questions than answers. That means what I write or say or do might never end up in a vault of information we call a library.

And that means that there will be doubt, waffling, changing stories, confessions, errors, and growth shown on these pages... And similar pages from my peers.

My only fear is that someone "monitoring" our interactions will mistake our quest for knowledge through these forums as not living up to the standards of truth from another generation...

pre-vacation lame duck session

2011-07-11T11:24:00.000-05:00

It is absolutely impossible to work when you know you are going on vacation in four short days.

All I can think about are the last minute things I need to purchase and the laundry I need to do and the things that need packed.

image by: getupgirl

Add to the top of that, the fact that the day I get back from vacation we leave for our youth mission trip, and suddenly I have two weeks of fun, sun, work, play, excitement to occupy my mind.

I guess part of that is working, then. The youth forms need to be three-hole punched and stuck in binders.

I still need to track down flamingos from somewhere for our final fundraiser before the trip.

I need to coordinate folks who are filling in at various times and places for me.

I need to do the computer prep for bulletins for the next two weeks.

But... while I'm doing all of those things, I'm still going to be thinking about curling up on the beach with my kindle. =)

A summer of confession and struggle and hope

2011-07-02T22:33:00.012-05:00

I have decided to journey through the book of Romans with my church folks this summer.

a) it's the lectionary
b) I haven't spent that much time with Romans before
c) it is fitting in nicely with our visioning process
d) it has absolutely positively hit me right in the gut and there is A LOT to preach about

I started off with confession... about one of the worst days of my life recently. Not that bad things happened, but that I was a terrible, awful person that day. Those verses in Romans spoke directly to my life and so I used my life as a lens for the good news to shine through.

This might be a very difficult summer of preaching if every Sunday asks so much of us... but I think in the long run, it's going to do amazing things in this church!

I'm going to link here the weekly installments, just to keep them in one place:

P+3 - June 26: STOP... in the name of Love.
P+4 - July 3:
P+5 - July 10: LIFE in the Spirit
(vacation and youth mission trip took up a few weeks)
P+8 - Aug 7:
P+9 - Aug 14:
P+10 - Aug 21:

understanding ritual

2011-07-02T10:21:00.000-05:00

Today I get to co-officiate my first inter-denominational wedding.

Well, that may not be completely true. There have been plenty of folks from different protestant and even different Christian backgrounds who have married under my authority. But each couple chose to go with the Methodist order and flow and style... their traditions weren't so important, or different, that it made a difference.

But today's wedding will be in a Catholic church, with a Catholic priest and I doing the ceremony. I'm preaching and reading and praying, and he's generally presiding and taking care of the vows.

I have to admit that going into this wedding I wasn't sure what to think. I have my own authority and traditions and ways of being that are being set aside for this particular ritual. In my church we don't normally hold the gospel in such high respect and honor. In my church we don't typically bow before the altar and the cross. It's not better, or worse, it's just different.

As someone who is outside of these traditions, they feel a little unfamiliar as I do them, but I am also hyper-conscious of why we are doing them. I understand the respect and honor and submission involved in these ritualistic acts. And that makes them beautiful to me. Yet I also understand that just as ritual acts in my own tradition become rote and familiar that we sometimes take them for granted and go through the motions without any remembrance of why we are doing them.

This experience makes me want to go back with an open eye and look at every action of our typical Sunday morning worship. When do we stand and sit? When do we make motions? What is the purpose of our acts of worship? And then to talk about them... To spend a few weeks or months, or maybe at least one Sunday every month reminding folks as we worship what we are doing and why we are doing it.

"Let us stand together as we hear the gospel to honor the words of Jesus."

"Let us bow our heads together in prayer as we surrender ourselves to the power of God at work among us."

"Let us sing with exuberant voices as we give thanks for these blessings God has given us."

A few words make a world of difference. And they might be enough to jar us out of complacency and to truly worship.

Was John Wesley a Deacon?

2011-07-01T09:34:00.000-05:00

Through John Meunier, I was directed to "Four John Wesley quotes everyone should know" by John Pedlar.

They are good quotes, and ones that, as a student of Methodist history and theology, I knew well.

But as John shares, James shares an important insight at the end of his piece. It is in response to Wesley's quote "the world is my parish."

Wesley’s quote about the world being his parish is usually seen as his missional justification for preaching the gospel wherever he was. But he also knew that he was exempt from the parish boundary rules as a fellow of Lincoln College, Oxford. He had no parish of his own, and was free to preach where he liked

I think for me, that quote from James Pedlar asks the question - are we hindered in our ability to preach the gospel where it needs to be preached BECAUSE of our parish/appointment?

In the context of Wesley's ministry, territory was everything. Your parish was a geographical location and your people where those within its borders. I think he's right that John was free from that because of his academic placement.

So, what would that look like today? Would it be more appropriate to think of John Wesley in today's terms as a deacon? As a pastor without an appointment?

The more I think about it, the more I think Wesley would have been a 21st century United Methodist Deacon rather than anything else. As far as I can tell, he did not regularly administer the sacraments... he encouraged people to go to their local parish congregation and recieve them there. He was an academic and a preacher, a writer and a teacher, an organizer... and I have a feeling that he would have been very unhappy under the appointment system.

In our world, our "parish" or our congregation can be limiting if we let it. If we stick within the walls of our church and only preach to those who come to us, the gospel is confined. Sometimes this isn't intentional. Sometimes the demands of newsletters and repairing the roof and worship planning just gets in the way of our ability to be in the world preaching the gospel.

If we were not limited to one congregation - or even two or three or five (in some yoked parishes) - how would the job of ministry change? If the parish were not your primary appointment, but you were still an ordained elder with sacramental responsibility, what would your days look like? The first place I see being thrown out the window is pastoral care, but perhaps that is not fair...

That being said... sometimes Elders under appointment self-limit themselves. As my bishop reminded a group of young clergy, we are appointed to communities, not to congregations. The world of ministry around us is far bigger than we sometimes assume. There are plenty of opportunities to serve outside of our local church communities, also.

The question for me is always one of calling... what are you called to be and to do?

Wesley was called to use his post as a vehicle for transformation of his church and of disciples of Jesus Christ. He had some freedom to move and travel to enable him to do that.

I am called to deeply inhabit this community to share the love of God with them in every way that I can. I have some freedom and authority because of my position to do that as well.

Thank God that there are many ways that we can serve!

Friday Five: Blogging of yesteryears

2011-07-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

I... like quite a few other folks who read the prompt this morning on RevGalBlogPals.blogspot.com have decided to get back into the game. here are the questions, and here are my responses...

1) Have your blogging (writing/reading) habits shifted since the days of yore?

Photo By: Kriss Szkurlatowski
Absolutely. There were days that I was posting something every single day. I'd get home from work and the thoughts would be reeling and I'd hop on my computer and post something. Or I'd wake up in the middle of the night and run to my computer and post something. They were sometimes funny, sometimes simple, sometimes deep, but I was doing it regularly. My reading was definately more sporadic... usually whatever popped up at the top of my google reader page... so the more you posted, the more I read you.

Lately, my blogging has NOT been a habit at all. It's something I do when I have nothing else to do and it's still "work time." At home, I have to cook, clean, garden, and sometimes I'm just exhausted. I miss the processing time that more regular blogging gave me.

2) Do you have some favorites that you miss?

The bloggers I miss most are my food bloggers... Bread and Honey was an absolute favorite for me and the posts are more sporadic. I also haven't done the best at staying in touch with others that aren't listed here.

3) Are there some blogs you still put in the 'must read' category?

I think most of my favorite theology/ecclesiology writers are still regular bloggers. John Munier @ An Arrow Through the Air, Jay Voorhees @ Only Wonder Understands, Dan Dick @ United Methodeviations, Jessica Kelley @ the Parsonage Family, Matthew Kelley @ The Truth as Best I Know It, Kristin @ Halfway to Normal

4) If we gathered at your knee, what would you tell us about those early days of blogging?

I started with things like livejournal, and I'm not sure that I ever cared very much about comments. But then I began to see that blogging can be a conversation and a relationship with other people over the things that we write about. And I have been a very bad friend lately.

5) Do you have a clip or a remembrance of a previous post of yours or someone else's that you remember, you know an oldie but goodie?

for your perusing pleasure, a link to an early post, and the first post after my introduction to RevGals... I think I chose this one because it brings up the kinds of questions that I try to ask on my blog, and also because it was one of those moments when I knew I had found something special with the community at RevGals... It is also a reminder for me that I really do need to start doing this more regularly.

parsonage inspection

2011-06-30T17:32:00.000-05:00

I am not a housekeeper.

I never have been.

I didn't learn how to growing up.

I don't have time to now.

I can do the basics like vacuuming and dusting and countertops and windows.

But to make it a daily/weekly habit is something far beyond my grasp.

It's not just that I do not have a set routine for doing it... it is that my very being doesn't work that way =)

So things like parsonage inspections get me all whipped up in a tizzy.

There are very good reasons for having these sorts of things. It is an opportunity for the people who actually own the house to come out and make sure that their property is being taken care of. It is an opportunity to figure out what needs general maintenence and repair (like our roof currently does). It is an opportunity for my husband and I as the residents to point out things that need some attention by physically showing what the problem is.

But at times, it feels like another opportunity for the pastor to be in the fishbowl with all eyes upon me.

I hope that people don't take it as an opportunity to check out all of our hand me down college furniture.

I hope that people don't take it as an opportunity to point out all of the yard work that needs to be done (when during VBS week and following a weekend with a wedding am I supposed to find time to weed?)

And what I sincerly hope it is not is an opportunity to critique my housekeeping skills.

You see, I have big dreams. Some day when I pay off my student loans, I'm putting that money towards a montly deep cleaning by a professional.

But today? My husband and I both work. We both have loans. We both enjoy doing things besides housework like disc golf and computers and movies.

We do the best we can for right now with what we've got.

The floor doesn't shine, but it has been swept and swiffered.

The windows haven't been cleaned inside and out, but a few of them were done properly.

The carpets were vacuumed... although those high traffic areas always look a little dingy no matter how many times we go over them.

In fact... thinking of those high traffic areas got me thinking about the changes I would make to the parsonage if it were my actual house.

I've started compiling them as suggestions if changes are ever made and they need input from someone who has actually lived in the space:

Do NOT carpet the bathroom. Our master bath currently has carpet and with the humidity it always seems a little dingy. Bad idea.
Do NOT carpet entryways. The lower level of our house has an entrance from the garage and one that goes to the backyard. No matter the placement of doormats, these are high traffic areas that get a lot of action from shoes that have been outside. I would suggest that at the very least the garage entry way be tile/wood... something easy to sweep and mop so all that dirt doesn't dig down into the carpet.
update countertops with something that will not soak in stains. Kool-aid and off white laminate countertops make pink countertops. The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser does wonders, but it also kind of takes the finish off. We don't need granite... but if you have people in a home with children (or messy cooks) something durable and easy to clean is best.

For now, I'm hoping for one part grace, two parts blind eyes, and three measures of hard work to get the needed repairs done. =)

time heals all...

2011-06-24T11:22:00.000-05:00

My church has not had a choir for about 10-15 years. And this large brown filing cabinet with boxes overflowing next to it in the church office is full of sheet music and photocopies (oops) and sample scores. For 10 years, we have not used a single piece of music... and in fact, when we brought together a special choir last spring, most of the music was too difficult and too many parts for us to use.

A faithful member walked into my office the other day. She has been working on passing on some of the music to the local community choir, but they are more interested in music with accompaniment CD's rather than the sheet music with piano scores we have. So she volunteered to pay the postage to send the music to someone who really could use it. With so many tragedies and natural disasters this year in Alabama, Missouri, and even here in Iowa, certainly there were churches who had lost their collections of music.

So I put out a general announcement via facebook searching for a home for this music.

A church less than 30 miles away responded. Salem United Methodist Church, three years ago this month, was underwater when the Cedar River flooded. Three years ago, three temporary worship spaces ago, they had a choir room full of music they had collected through the years. And it all washed away down the Cedar. It was all left covered with muck.

Three years have passed and they now find themselves in a new home. And settled, though busting at the seams in their new gathering space, they were eager and excited about the possibility of having filing cabinets full of music once more.

While my mind immediately went to those places that have recently been hurting, when I first got the word about Salem UMC needing music, my heart sank. The churches in Tuscaloosa and Joplin and Varina are not ready for choir music. They are probably still sorting through rubble. They are probably still trying to figure out what to do next. They are still grieving, and they have a long journey ahead of them to recovery.

The thing about healing and rebuilding is that it cannot happen over night.

Whether it is rehabilitation after an injury to your body, or repairing a damaged relationship, or restoring a structure that sustained damage... it takes time.

Just ask the residents of New Orleans... Just ask the people who lived in Czech Village or Time Check in Cedar Rapids... Just ask that neighbor who had a heart attack a few years ago, or your family member who broke a rib... just ask the couple across town whose marriage was strained by adultery or the siblings who didn't talk for seven years after a falling out.

There are a few places in this world where miraculous healing occurs in an instant... but I know of very few of them. And even when the healing does come - like in the scriptural stories of the leper or the hemmoraging woman or the demoniac - it is going to take a while to figure out what to do next... how to live your life without the disease or the illness or the demons that plagued you. Relationships might never be the same as they were before. You will have discovered something about your self or others that changes who you are and what you value. You may not want to get back to your old "normal" at all.

My church has been through its own ups and downs throughout the years. We have had our good times and our bad. As we are being re-energized by God, we pray that we simply won't be what we were in the past. And part of that is letting go of past ideas of "success."

And so, this morning, seven boxes of sheet music found a new home. And a flooded out church choir finds itself, three years later, further down the road to recovery.

bag gardening

2011-06-20T16:15:00.000-05:00

As a gift from my congregation, last fall I recieved a gift card to purchase some books. To go along with my love of gardening, the gift card was used to get some simple gardening guidebooks for our area.

This is the first year I have really planned out my gardening space. In the past, I tried to use techniques from square foot gardening, but I think I actually placed things too close together. I wanted to expand the space a little bit, as well as increase the number of different items I tried to plant.

In one of my books, Starter Vegetable Gardens, there were plans for a three year expansion of a garden using bags of dirt.

That's right.

Simple bags of dirt.

You put them on the ground where you want them, you cut off the tops and you plant in them.

The plastic keeps the weeds out and kills the grass underneath. The plants grow. Your garden expands.

This is the concept that had me buying 20 bags of dirt this spring and lugging them out to my backyard. This is the concept that had these bags lying in funky little rows for about a month until it was finally warm enough to plant. This is the concept that got the neighbors a little curious and stumped as to what I was up to.

So, I thought I would share some of my results so far!

This is the view from the house of the garden. The area with lots of brown dirt is basically the previous garden plot size.

One of the ideas in this garden plan is that there is plenty of space to move between the rows... and also space to mow! Our lawn mower fits exactly between the bags... with some minor trimming required.

I also installed a basic chicken wire fence around the garden, due to all of the rabits eating my peas! It has been pretty successful and is made out of a couple of broken stakes and some bamboo stakes.

second row, starting with far end:
cilantro/parsley, 5 different varieties of tomatoes
(large, cherry, roma), and basil on the end

first row, starting on far end:

2 bags with bush beans, lettuce,

oregano/thyme, more lettuce

and three types of peppers

third row, starting from far side:
jonnyjump ups/rosemary, potatoes, kolhrabi,
more poatoes, alyssum/sage

fourth row, starting on far end:
coneflowers, three bags with squash, calendulas

final row, starting on far end:

scarlet runner beans, peas, snow peas, nasturtium

Of all the things growing here, I have never before planted bush beans, kohlrabi, any herbs, potatoes, or peas! I also have never put flowers in the garden before. Each of the varieties included are edible flowers (well, except maybe the alyssum) and it should add to the color and texture of the garden. I am the most excited about all of the herbs! I have already made thyme lemon bars and added fresh basil to the ham and cheese wrap I made today.

The last two picutes below are another shot of the garden and the first produce: a snow pea pod. I washed it up and ate it fresh =)

On the south side of our house we also have four raspberry bushes and I planted strawberries in the front flower beds.

I'll keep you posted as the summer goes on!

conference yarn work

2011-06-20T15:34:00.001-05:00

I have become a HUGE fan of keeping my fingers occupied at conferences and continuing ed events by knitting and crocheting. I'm not really great at it... I still have a LOT to learn... but I thought I would share some of what I have been working on recently!

This scarf/shawl was made for my friend Allison in honor of her ordination. I made another one just like it in reds and oranges and purples for my friend Stasia, for the same purpose (but I never took pictures of it). Allison isn't quite so bold, and so the muted colors worked much better for her.

The pattern is a simple treble crochet, 18 across, with changing textures and yarns.

There is another finished project on my shelf, but the details on that one are still secret so no pictures yet! I'm hoping in the next week or so to gift it so then I'll be able to say more about it. =)

postmodern holiness

2011-06-17T11:21:00.001-05:00

I have been having a discussion with some colleagues about what it means to be disciples and pastors in the world today.

The question was raised about what it means to be holy and to seek after God's holiness... especially in the context of the postmodern world we live and move in.

Some of us find the dichotomy of holy/unholy something of a misnomer. Modernism tended to place these things at opposite ends of a spectrum. We could easily categorize something as good and bad, holy and unholy, do this and don't do that.

Yet I think that postmodernism has helped us realize that this is a much more complex question. Holiness and unholiness are not matters of morals, nor are they black and white categories.

What is it that makes something holy?

Holiness comes about because something is set apart by and for God.

We typically use that to mean that as pastors, we set ourselves apart from the ways of the world and demonstrate a certain way of being. In the modern era, this meant things like don't drink, don't smoke, don't lie or cheat, don't swear. Do wear suits and ties and below the knee skirts (for us women pastors out there). Holiness becomes a check-list, standards for living, high expectations, a list of places you should not go.

But is that what biblical holiness is all about?

Didn't Jesus do crazy things like turn water into wine and eat with sinners and touch the unclean? Didn't he get down and dirty and messy with his disciples? Didn't he preach the good news in every day language and use images that ordinary people would understand?

Which brings me back to the question. What makes something holy? Does our answer change in this post modern world? Who decides the answer to that question? What if holiness in a postmodern world is more about how we use and redeem the things of this world, where they are, in order to speak the good news of God?

I have been reading Elaine Heath's Mystic Way of Evangelism. She shares the stories and experiences of these amazing saints of the faith who have shared their faith through deepening their relationship with God. One of those people is Phoebe Palmer, who realized that

holiness is about a life given irrevocably to God, which then in union with Christ the Sanctifier is empowered to be in God's redemptive mission in the world... Christ is the altar, and whatever touches the altar is made holy

When things are given over to him. When they are set apart, surrendered, turned over to our Lord, they become holy. It is about God working in the midst of these things, not about us or the things themselves.

I did a funeral a little while ago and the family was not wanting to stand and speak, but had a few words they wanted me to share on their behalf.

They especially wanted to include the phrase - "He may have been an asshole, but he was OUR asshole."

I wrestled with what to do.

If I'm completely honest with God and everyone, cuss words do occasionally come out of my mouth. Usually in the heat of the moment on the disc golf course when a drive goes about 5 feet and then hits a tree.

Things that are said on the disc golf course are different from things said in the middle of the church sanctuary from the pulpit. Maybe this is a false dichotomy. Maybe as a pastor I shouldn't say those words even on the disc golf course... but I do.

If the me that God loves says those things out in open spaces... and if this family felt like they needed to say those words about their loved one... then I felt like I could take that language to God and make it a part of that time of worship and celebration.

So I said it.

I didn't leave it there, however. I used that phrase to talk about how we are not perfect people and a funeral is not a time to paint a rosy picture of someone's life - but to be honest and to celebrate who that person was in all of their fullness... and also to celebrate that God comes to each of us in our imperfection and loves us enough to save us.

Like Jesus, I met them where they were. I also found an opportunity to transform the language they were familiar with and the experience we all had that day - to use their expression in order to speak the gospel.

It has taken me a while to write about that day, in part because I'm never quite sure what others might think. But this week in conversations about holiness and being a pastor, I had to admit that it was one of the most powerful experiences of community and ministry I have experienced. And that means that it needs to be shared and celebrated and lifted up.

Holiness is not something that I can pretend to have attained. I am far from perfect, although I seek to be more Christ-like each and every day.

In the same book mentioned above, Bonaventure's understanding of the imago dei is lifted up. He believes that

humanity is uniquely charged to image the second person of the Trinity, in that humans should mirror God as Jesus mirrors God, as beloved children of God.

I pray continually that through God's grace I might love as Jesus loved and who Jesus loved: the hurting, the broken, the alienated, the unclean, the grieving, the joyful, the sinners, the saints.

Maybe in this postmodern world the question to ask about holiness is not: is it in the rules for me to do this or not? But will this better help me to love and serve this person? Can this language/experience/person be brought to the altar of Christ? Is there an opportunity for the gospel to be heard right here and now?

Survivor: GC Election Edition

2011-06-07T00:02:00.000-05:00

How many ballots does it take to NOT elect a young adult clergy person as a delegate to General Conference in Iowa?

12.

I shouldn't start that way. That's the tired exhaustion of a very long day. I should start with the absolute excitement that our conference, today, on our 12th and final ballot, elected three young adult clergy persons as delegates to jurisdictional conference (and therefore as GC alternates) and has also elected two young adult laity as jurisdictional conference delegates and 1 youth and 1 young adult laity as general conference delegates.

Yes, I'm harping on the young adults. There aren't so many of us and we are the future of this church. We are the ones who are going to have to figure out a way to be disciples of Jesus Christ in the next 10 - 20 years. And we are ready and willing and able to start figuring this stuff out right now.

For three days now, we have gone through ballots. The laity had a much easier time of it, but with 42 clergy delegates and 7 spots, the journey was a bit slower for us clergy folk.

At one point, a motion was made to eliminate any nominee who had less than 40 votes (will roughly 450 clergy voting, roughly 225 votes were needed for election). Little by little, our options got fewer and fewer, solidifying our vote.

As a nominee, it was a very strange experience.

I think I might have run for one elected position ever in high school. I don't think I won. I was the president of the Religious Life Council at Simpson, but I can't remember if that was a peer-elected sort of thing or not.

Photo by: Hawkins

But to be on the ballot for 11 straight votes... and to see every single time your name up there on the projection screens with numbers behind it ... was nuts. It felt like some strange, tamed down version of Survivor... 40 votes or less and you just don't make the cut. *piff* your candle is put out.

The thing that felt the most awkward about the whole thing is that there is no electioneering. No campaigning aside from the bios. We couldn't throw our support behind other candidates or talk about why people would make excellent choices - except amongst the people you chatted with face to face. No comments about the slate as it came up. No arguments were supposed to be made about the fact that the first three folks we elected were all middle aged white men (although someone slipped that one in... and although they will all be wonderful delegates) or that we elected absolutely no delegates under the age of 50 (at least as I have been told). So I sat there, and people kept coming up and saying - I voted for you because you are a young adult! and I had enough votes most times to just keep pushing on... and by the end, although I felt like withdrawing my name so that we could at least reach a consensus on the final GC delegate, I couldn't because it felt like I was carrying all of our young clergy hopes and expectations on my shoulders.

At the end of the night, I ended up being elected second as a jurisdictional delegate from Iowa. I think that also means I will have the honor of serving as a general conference delegate and all of my nerdy, conference loving, legislative tweaking, holy conferencing excitement is peaked. But it is also humbling and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to speak and to vote as a delegate from Iowa.

Congratulations to everyone who was elected!!!

traveling light?

2011-06-04T06:53:00.000-05:00

My family just got back a few days ago from a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks. It was a Christmas/Anniversary/Birthday gift to our parents from all the kids. We rented a huge house on the water and had four glorious days to spend with one another.

Packing for such an adventure was a different story. Sure there was a full kitchen with appliances - but would they have salt and pepper? Tupperware to store leftovers? Parchment paper for under the oven fries? The absolute best price on steak we had seen for months?

We all threw in what we thought was good and necessary... including the whole watermelon I had left over from a youth event the Wednesday before. And that car was PACKED to the BRIM with our stuff.

Of course, then comes my brothers and sister-in-law. A backpack with some clothes and some sneaks =)

I am procrastinating right now, because what I should be doing is finishing my packing for Annual Conference.

I've got the prerequisite clothes, but I must admit I packed an extra outfit or two... it is supposed to be in the 90's two of our days and we are going to be sitting in a60 degree cool airconditioned hall - it makes it hard to predict what to wear.

I cut down on weight by putting all of my annual conference materials on my kindle... but then I found room to pack some notecards and thank you materials. And a journal for taking notes/putting ammendments.

I need to bring two different knitting projects for the long hours spent sitting.

And walking shoes for walking... and flip flops for hanging out in the sun on breaks.

My laptop for the room.

My camera to document the artwork installation and to add pictures to the online conversation.

Try as I might, I never can seem to pack light for Annual Conference.

Social media, Artwork, and Annual Conference #iacartwork

2011-06-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

First off, from our conference artist, Ted Lyndon Hatten:

My goal is always the same - dialogue. I think HyVee Hall works against that aim. It is not a space that lends itself to conversation. So, I've secured a room on the lower level and will be converting it into a gallery with dialogue-provoking images and installations dealing with hospitality and justice. It will be a place for conversation. Each piece will have a large post-it paper hanging near with idea that we could use it like fb posts. The conversation will accumulate over our time together. I've also made talk tags - think name tag, but instead of showing your name these tags show the issue(s) you'd like to talk about. I guess you could say that I'm asking the delegates to go trolling for conversation by wearing the bait. I don't think that's what Jesus had in mind when he calls us to fish for people.

Eh, maybe not exactly what Jesus had in mind... but what a good idea!

In addition to the face-to-face interaction, gallery dialogues, and conversations around our tables at our annual conference, I am attempting to help foster some electronic dialogue through social media.

It begins through facebook and twitter, the hashtag #iacartwork (Iowa Annual Conference Artwork)

By attaching #iacartwork to your posts, you will help us compile all of the thoughts floating around out there into one central location.

I imagine that this social media component will help us to focus on hospitality and justice through this artwork... even as we are sitting down around the tables in that HUGE room.

When your mind starts to wonder, think about what you have seen in the art gallery... think about what moves you... and instead of playing solitaire or doodling in your conference notebook or making snarky comments on facebook - share your thoughts with others.

Post from your cell phone.

Post from your laptop or Ipad or Kindle.

Post from whatever.

Just engage in the conversation.

Help us to keep hospitality and justice at the center of all that we do, say, think, and feel this Annual Conference.

Ode to the Book of Discipline...

2011-06-02T14:10:00.000-05:00

Oh Book of Discipline, how do I love thee...

Let me count the ways.

I love that when I am confused about how to proceed regarding a new parsonage purchase, you contain orderly directions.

I love that when I wrote my papers for ordination nearly every question could be found within your beautiful pages.

I love that as a new pastor I can use you to add weight to my words... because it says so in paragraph such and such of the Discipline.

I love that as I look through prior editions, I can see how our church has grown and changed.

I love that you contain, without apology, the history and tradition of our roots and that those pages cannot be changed.

I love that you hold the outcome of our shared wrestlings as the people called United Methodist about difficult issues and theological quandries.

I love that as much as I love you, we both know that you are never completely perfect and that each time our General Conference meets we can fix typos and make amendments and add clarifications.

I love that you are dynamic and changing and yet, at the same time the foundation for our shared ministry through time.

I love that in the words of the 2004 edition, you are "the most current statement of how United Methodists agree to live their lives together."

I am running to be a delegate to our General Conference in 2012. And this afternoon I recieved a phone call from a fellow pastor who had some questions for me. I thought it was awesome that she has taken her own initiative and is doing more research on each person to make an informed decision.

One of the questions that I was asked was whether I will uphold the Book of Discipline as it stands... or something to that effect.

At first, I hesitated. Because as an ordained elder, I am under this particular rule of law. These are the agreements that we have made together about how we are going to live together.

So the first words out of my mouth were, "yes, as a pastor, I will work to uphold the Discpline."

But immediately, I had to qualify that statement.

Because you see, every four years, the Book of Discipline is subject to change and scrutiny. Every time our church meets together as the General Conference, we "amend, perfect, clarify, and add our own contribution to the Discipline." (tenses changed, again from the BOD2004)

The Book of Discipline is not holy or sacred. It is a conversation through time. It is the product of our connectional spirit. And while we meet for fellowship and celebration of ministry and worship at General Conference... we also meet to speak on behalf of the church and to figure out how we are going to agree to live together for the next four years.

The United Methodist Church is diverse, global, changing, and - I pray - Spirit led. As such, we adapt to new situations and ministry fields, we attempt to respond to the new problems the world throws at us, and we continue to try to be faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ in this place and time.

So yes, I will work to uphold the Discipline that I love... but if the case is made, if it will further the work of God in this world, if we will make more disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world... I will vote to change it in a heartbeat.

confrontation and follow through

2011-05-25T10:42:00.001-05:00

I am notorious for finding myself in situations where my vehicle is hit by another vehicle.

Four years ago, I was stopped at a light, and the car that came up behind me failed/forgot to stop. Bumper damage.

A month or so ago, I was parked and dropping my car off at a hotel when a car backed out of a nearby spot straight into my driver's side door.

I have to admit, I have had my fair share of fender benders that were my fault. And I did what I had to do to resolve those issues.

So it is frustrating that in each of the above situations, the person responsible never had to take responsibility.

Or rather, I haven't made them take responsibility.

Avoidance of confrontation is my M.O. If I can resolve the issue another way, it is much preferable. I don't like having to call someone up, sit them down, and tell them... this is not okay and you need to fix it.

And so in the first situation, I put off the phone calls. I passively wrote a letter that never got a response. And eventually the time passed and I moved and it was never resolved.

In the second situation, I'm working up the courage to call and hold the person accountable that hit me. Which means, I haven't done it yet.

I'm not sure where this avoidance comes from. My mom is a fairly direct person... at least it has always seemed that way to me... and when there was a problem, she took care of business and she used her "taking care of business" voice and it always seemed to me that the issue was resolved. That trait was NOT passed on to me! And maybe that is only my own perspective as a girl and young woman watching my mother and she would describe herself differently... who knows! =)

I think one of the reasons that confrontation is so difficult for me is that I leave a lot of room for grace. Perhaps too much room. I know that some things are not okay, but I don't want to have to be the person who calls it out.

In my work as a pastor, I realize that both grace and truth are needed. Repentance involves both truth about sin AND forgiveness... they are two sides of one coin. To lean too heavily one way or the other leaves us with cheap grace or heavy handed morality.

In the Ascension Sunday text for this year in the lectionary, from the gospel of Luke, we are reminded that Christ calls us to preach repentence through the forgiveness of sin. Repentence, the turning away from the past, leads us into forgiveness of our mistakes. It leads us into a live of forgiveness for others. But it also involves speaking the truth and confessing those things that need to be forgiven. In calling others to repent, we must also name the reality of sin that needs repenting!

May God grant me the grace to speak a little bit more truth, to make accountability just as important as forgiveness, and to get my car repaired without having to pay for it myself!

fact checking in an age of T.M.I.

2011-05-23T10:10:00.001-05:00

T. M. I.

Too Much Information.

I'm not entirely sure this was ever envisioned by the framers of the first amendment when freedom to the press and freedom of speech were created. I'm not sure it was envisioned by the inventors of the internet, or cable tv, or email.

But we are inundated constantly with information. And depending on which sources we use for our information we read completely different "facts." Even within one publication we can have radically different portrayals of the truth. Or opinion - which has begun to substitute just fine for truth these days.

As a pastor, I face this when I have congregants reading different translations of scripture from vastly different sources and theological frameworks. While it provides and opportunity to talk about why these interpretations might be different, do we ever reach back and find out what the truth of the text is? Is there Truth to be found? or is it all a matter of interpretation?

Certainly this isn't a new problem. That's why throughout the Judeo-Christian tradition there have always been schools of thought that argued with one another. There is a reason that Jesus had to interact with Pharisees and Sadducees and Zealots and Essenes. They were all holding on to different pieces of the truth, and holding on to them so fast that they became the Truth for each.

We do this in the church. We do this in politics. We do this in schools. We do this everywhere. Because the idea that we can't fully grasp the Truth - that it is something that is bigger than us, is scary. We want black and white - truth and falsehood, good guys and bad guys. The in-between stuff is a mess and we don't want to live there.

In conversations with fellow pastors, we have discussed anecdotaly that folks tend to like morality sermons better than grace sermons. Because in morality and justification messages, the choice is clear - do this, don't do that. When we talk about love and forgiveness and grace, suddenly we are in the gray area... showing love to a murderer? having compassion for a drug addict? Witnessing someone transform their lives? it's messy, and hard and challenging, and we would much rather label people as good or bad. Even labeling ourselves as good or bad is easier than accepting messy grace.

Photo by: memory_collector

Whether we like it or not, our world has changed. Modernity is a thing of the past. The world we live in is not black and white. Truth is not either/or. Reality is dirty and messy and complicated. More than one thing can be true at the same time. And we still haven't quite learned how to have conversation, how to hold one another accountable, how to make our way forward in the midst of postmodern thought.

Sometimes though, our overabundance of information can be sifted through. Instead of simply letting the information out there all be valid, we can do the hard work of distilling what is worth keeping and what should be tossed out.

I'm becoming increasingly grateful for a simple little website called snopes.com. They help sift through lots of information and help to clear up some of the mis-information out there. But they do so in a way that realizes that there is fact and fiction out there. They are willing to say that parts are true and parts aren't. They show you which is which. They show which items are a matter of interpretation and opinion. They back stuff up with resources. They are indespensible!!!!

I have gotten into the habit recently of running any email forward I have recieved through snopes.com - just to see what's out there.

Recently, it was an email forward with pictures from the attack on Pearl Harbor reportedly taken by someone on Dec. 7, 1941. The email claimed that the film strip was only just recovered preserved from his "brownie camera" recently.

Snopes let me know: the pictures are real, the story is not. There was no way one person could have taken all of those pictures from so many different angles, plus, they are all navy archives photos and have been for quite some time.

What I have learned is that it is good to have some healthy skepticism in the face of information these days. Do a little bit of legwork. Ask yourself if it is believable. Check with a source that you trust. Be willing to dissect information to be able to find out what is propaganda and what is fact and what is opinion and what is just plain old story. Sometimes it's all wrapped up in the same piece of information - whether it is a bible devotion or an email forward or a segment on your favorite news program.

The world out there is a jumble of information. Be smart. Be informed. Don't take anything at face value.

disappointing numbers

2011-05-20T13:18:00.000-05:00

The numbers game is something that we play a lot in the church. We want to know how many baptisms and members and monies and ministries were at play in a given year. We want to see upward trending statistics. We believe success lies in digits... which supposedly translate into actual lives being transformed... although I am not always convinced that it is the case.

I resist the numbers game. I don't let low numbers phase me if actual good solid God work is happening. Our weekly communion service at the church averages about 7... it is faithful, transformative, worship... and if one week we have only three people there, it doesn't upset me. God is going to work through the conversation and interaction those three people have. God is being worshipped in our music whether there are a few or a few hundred.

At the same time, when the numbers disappoint us and the people don't show up, sometimes your will to keep going starts to waver a bit.

At our recent graduate breakfast at the church we planned a celebration for the four high school graduates and two college graduates we knew about who were connected to our congregation. We sent out the invites, we purchased gifts, we decorated the hall and prepared to celebrate. And only the two college graduates showed up. 1/3 of our guests of honor were in attendance. And I think that smarted a little bit for the folks who had put in the hard work to make arrangements and honor those students.

I wondered how much that was simply an issue with our church. Did we not explain it well enough? Did we get out the information in a timely manner? Do we smell bad?

But then only a few days later, we had our community baccalaureate service. Of all of the students who were invited... of all the faculty and staff who recieved invitations... of all the school board members and adnimistrators... we had a grand total of five students participate and a handful of parents, community members and of course, the six pastors of our community.

To have more pastors than students was a little frustrating. To say we were disappointed is an understatement.

What do you do with those numbers that are so low?

Do you focus your attention on the people that were touched? Yes.

Do you fret about what you cannot change? Of course not.

But what is the next step? Do you redouble your efforts for the future? Ignore the numbers and keep forging ahead as usual? Consider it an anomaly in the statistics? Decide not to do it again? Cancel it for now until another class, another set of parents, another group of people steps up and tells you it is important?

That is what I don't know.

It would be a shame to lose this opportunity for community worship and celebration. It would also be a shame to not mark this moment in our students lives for those who find faith important in their journey.

But if there is not energy and passion behind something, isn't it okay to let it go for a time?

We'll see what happens as our community ministerial alliance gets together for future conversations... but at this time, I'm not sure what I would recommend. All I know is that I'm a little disappointed.

Wedding Season =)

2011-05-14T10:20:00.000-05:00

I have to admit it... I love weddings. This is my fourth season in ministry and after today, I will have 14 weddings under my belt!

As the pastor of a small town church, we don't have a lot of couples in the church who are getting married, but I often am called for ceremonies at local outdoor locations or even in the church for couples who simply want a church wedding.

I know some pastors that hate doing weddings. I am not one of those people.

I like being the mediator between families and helping them come together for a special day. I like working with photographers. I think secretly at one time I wanted to be a party planner, and so this is a little way to experience that =)

But what I love the most about weddings is not the flowers or the dresses or even the food (and we all know that I love food!).

It is actually the same reason that I love funerals... I get the chance to tell someone's story.

Photo by : Harry Fodor

With weddings, I have spent many sessions preparing with the couple for the ceremony. I get to know how they interact, what they hope for, and from where they have come. And then in front of all of their friends and family, I get to help them begin this next part of their journey together. It is an honor to be a part of that moment.

Actually telling their story through the wedding ritual is the fun part. My first piece of homework for any engaged couple I meet with is for them to come up with a word or a phrase that describes their relationship. That word or phrase becomes the foundation, the metaphor, for the entire service. We find scripture readings that relate to their relationship based on that word. My message is based around that word. The liturgy is adapted to suit that word.

I have had easy words to work with like partnership and fire/passion. But some couples challenge me to really do some research with words like "symbiotic" and "osculate." Sometimes only by grace, the story is woven together and their relationship springs out of the liturgy.

Today, I get to be a part of my best friend's wedding. I get to help tell the story of her and her husband-to-be. And this is one of those days where I just pray I don't bawl in joy at the beauty of it all and the amazing music they will make together in their lives.

ding dong, the witch is dead...

2011-05-02T22:06:00.000-05:00

I found out that Osama Bin Laden had been killed last night as I was crawling into bed. It has been a long week, I was tired, and my husband came in and announced the big news. My husband! Who normally isn't all that concerned about world politics/situations.

The first thing I thought of was - "no way!" And then - "hmm... I wonder what that means?"

Today, I had a congregational funeral to deal with. No time to think about it... although a few people here and there mentioned it and I caught a few clips of stories on NPR.

This afternoon, I was knee deep in reciepts and deposit slips trying to account for donations and reimbursement items from a month of busyness and a couple of youth fundraisers.

And when I got home at 5pm, I really didn't want to think about it. I plugged in the headphones, turned up the music, and mowed my lawn for the first time of the year.

I found a few stray plants - an iris that was in the middle of the yard, a few ferns that started growing outside of their beds - so I moved them to better locations. I raked up the grass clippings and I put them underneath the strawberries. I sprayed some turf builder on the grass until it ran out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that nothing in my life has changed. Probably nothing in most of our lives has changed.

I listened here and there to various stories as I made a quick trip to the gas station for lawn mower gas and then again after I was finished to pick up some spaghetti noodles. And everyone was talking about how this one guy created so much destruction.

My first thought is - we probably are giving the guy too much credit. The organization he was the head of is not a one person show. Yes, he was the face and figurehead of so much terror that has occured in this world, but I'm not going to let one person scare me or turn my world upside down. I'm not going to concede and give him that power.

My second thought relates to that strange mythological status that we have given him. Kind of like the Wicked Witch of the East... at her sudden death, the people started singing and dancing in celebration. Suddenly they were freed from the fear and the frustration, the anger and the pent up revenge and hostility... they burst forth in song in relief.

I can't help but see images and hear audio from those crowds that have gathered to celebrate without transporting myself to Oz. It is surreal, it is strange, it is funny and yet... not really.

As a Christian, the only reason that I celebrate the death of another person is because I believe in the power of resurrection. I believe in the grace and mercy of God that takes what is perishable and makes it eternal. I believe in the new creation.

I don't believe I have been given the ability to judge another person's life. It is not for me to determine their eternal destiny. And... I cannot put a limit on God's power to transform and renew and restore even the darkness itself.

I find no reason at all to celebrate the death of a man who killed many. It doesn't make me happy or feel good. It doesn't bring me joy. It just reminds me that we are mortal. That our grabs for power and our bent towards hatred and evil are real and that they are destructive. This reality sinks me farther into the human condition. We are broken. All of us. And we need help.

If we can turn back towards God and seek peace...

If we can remember that justice and revenge are God's work and not our own...

If we can love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us...

Maybe then, I might be able to celebrate.

But for now, I'm going to get my hands dirty and plant some irises.

how can we laugh at a time like this?

2011-04-28T00:51:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting at my computer, looking out the 24th floor window of my hotel in Des Moines. I am currently attending our annual School for Ministry and learning all sorts of neat things about capital campaigns and what kinds of fonts to use on worship slides. We've had some good practical teaching this year... with some good theological underpinings. It usually is. I'm glad Iowa does this!

Anywho... here I sit, looking out the window at 12:26am at the quiet streets below. I'm still up because I'm trying to plan worship for Sunday so that I can send my organist the hymns. I'm exhausted. Both from Holy Week and now these days of sitting in a conference room with no windows for hours upon hours. I do not want to preach. I have two funerals ahead of me in the days to come. And someone mentions "Holy Humor Sunday."

I've heard of Holy Humor Sunday... but never actually done one. It's this tradition (a very old tradition) of laughing on the Sunday after Easter as we celebrate the cosmic joke that God plays on sin and death when Jesus Christ is raised from the dead. It is a day to laugh, to lift up our hearts, to thank God that we know already the end of the story.

I'm loving this idea. I've spent about an hour already looking up hymns and liturgy and of course, jokes to tell.

And then I realize that since I've been holed up in a conference room for the last two days that I have no idea what has been going on in the world. I check CNN, and I check weather.com... 72 dead from tornadoes in one town in Alabama... friends freaking out on facebook over tornadoes that barely clipped their own homes and the severe weather alerts that have them shaking in their boots every time the sirens go off.

I start to think about these two funerals that I have coming up this very weekend.

I start to remember the brokenness so many people in our communities are experiencing right now.

I start to look out on that quiet street before me and wonder who is sleeping in an alley tonight, instead of in a king size bed at the Marriott.

I know in my bones that God has already won. I know that Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead. I understand. I believe. But I find it so hard to keep that Easter joy in my heart because we haven't reached the end of the story yet! We are inbetween times... in between the empty tomb and the new creation. It's here, but not fully. It's already, but not yet.

How on earth can we laugh at a time like this? How can we laugh as cities are ravaged by deadly winds and little ones go to bed hungry tonight? How can we laugh when people are staring death in the face and losing? How can we laugh when the disparity between the haves and the havenots is so stark?

Maybe the question is... how can we not laugh?

How can we not just take a deep breath and remember that God is in control... not us.

St. John Chrysostom preached in his famous Easter sermon:

If anyone is devout and loves God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If anyone is a wise servant, let him rejoice and enter into the joy of his Lord.

He gives rest to him who comes at the 11th hour, even as to him who has worked from the first hour. And He shows mercy upon the last, and cares for the first.

Let all then enter into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, keep the feast. You sober and you heedless, celebrate the day.

Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast… Let all receive the riches of loving-kindness.

Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shown forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior's death has set us free.

O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? Christ is risen, and thou art overthrown.

Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of the dead. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.

This world is broken and imperfect and horrible things happen all around us. But if we cannot laugh in the midst of our sorrows, then the Devil has already won. If we cannot laugh and lift up one anothers spirits, then there is no hope. If we cannot laugh and rejoice, then why keep going at all?

Christ is risen. Death is overthrown. Life reigns.

We don't have to be afraid. We don't have to be scared. We know the end of the story and we can laugh in the face of all that tries to hurt us.

Those words are so powerful... and so hard to believe in.

But maybe... just maybe... if we get together as a community and we laugh, we will find the faith we need to trust. Maybe together we can find the strength to laugh in the face of sin and death and to really and truly mean it.

hiatus

2011-04-23T12:35:00.000-05:00

I have had a really difficult time getting myself into the headspace to blog lately. I've been in these funks before, when I just need a break from technology, and in some ways, that has been true of this past one.

But I also think that things have just been moving at such a break-neck speed lately that I really don't have the mental energy to sit down, stop, and reflect. I just keep doing.... and then zoning out... and then doing some more. Self-care lately has been more about stopping than processing.

A sure sign of the chaos has been my office spaces. The church office... my pastor's office... and my home office. Piles of stuff, accessible when it is needed. But the time for processing just hasn't been there. I keep telling myself that after Easter and School for Ministry I'm going to really stop and deal with it all... organize, toss, file, connect pieces, put things in some kind of order so that others can find them.

But it's not "after Easter." In the smack dab of the waiting, I sit. Christ has been laid in the tomb and the disciples hid away somewhere. They didn't process. They didn't sort through their feelings. They locked the door and huddled together. That's kind of how this past month has been. Working my butt off, and then cuddling under a blanket in front of the television when the meetings stop and the work is done. Waiting... numb... not wanting to think about what comes next - at least for right now.

The disciples were shaken out of their stupor by the amazing announcement on that Easter morning. Their work wasn't complete... their lives were not over... they need not be afraid... Their hopes were resurrected, their engagement was reignited.

My prayer is that the spark might blaze again for me. That my spirit will be reignited. That I can lay aside those burdens that keep me huddled under blankets and that with the daffodils and the lilies and the tulips I can throw off the cold and say - here I am. I'm ready. Nothing can hold me back. Try and stop me.

potluck worship

2011-03-19T13:29:00.002-05:00

A colleague of mine recently forwarded an email about potlucks and banquets. It was written by Dr. Ed Robinson, the president of MidAmerica Nazarene University in Olathe, KS.

photo by: Gözde Otman

Dr. Robinson asks us if our worshipping experiences are more like banquets or potlucks. And by that he means: do you come to worship and wait to be served, or do you bring something to the experience and try what is offered by others? (You can read the full article here)

I think it is a fascinating metaphor for both our worshipping life and our experience as the church. Is the church a place and a program that meets your needs or are you an active participant with something to contribute? Are you being served or are you serving? Are you a person in a pew or a part of the body of Christ?

I happen to love food. And I love potlucks even more. I'm not sure that you can be a good methodist without loving these two things! So, it's probably obvious where I fall and where I encourage you to land in the choice between a banquet church and a potluck church.

But how do we turn our churches into potlucks? How do we encourage folks to bring something to the table? (or the sanctuary?)

First, I think we need to create opportunities in worship for folks to be active. Participation in a responsive liturgy is not enough. We need to ask people to get up, move around, think, respond, speak, and do things in worship.

This can be scary for churches that are accustomed to stand and sit worship. But what I have found is that people are hungry for the chance to be stimulated mentally, physically, and spiritually.

In my own congregation, we have interactive worship every so often. It is never something that is forced upon folks; people can stay seated if they want to. What is important is that whatever we are doing directly is related to the message for the day.

One of the first pieces of interactive worship we used related to the Lent 1 text from Genesis in cycle B. As we remembered God's promise to Noah after the flood - we affirmed, as a congregation, that we are blessed by God. We proclaimed that God desires not the death of a sinner, but that we all repent and live. We celebrated that God promises to be, and has been, with us through the storms of our lives.

Our youth group prepared the canvases by painting them red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. Then, following a brief mediation on the texts, I invited people to come and paint on these canvases signs of God's promises to us. We remembered how God has shown us grace and mercy. We wrote words of hope and life.

Those canvases still hang at the front of our sanctuary.

Second, worship needs to connect with the congregation on a deeply personal level. It is not enough to simply preach a sermon that talks about the world around us - it needs to apply to what they are daily struggling with.

I have borrowed and adapated resources from a number of different locations, but one of my favorite sites is creativeprayer.com. One Sunday for worship, we talked about the sins in our own lives and used this idea for confession with sand. All around the room we place 2 gallon buckets filled with sand and handed each person a brown paper lunch sack. As we wandered around the room, we read the questions above each bucket and if that applied to us, we put a scoop of sand in our bag. They got heavy. It was a personal journey for each of us - and yet no one could see how much we were carrying. It was between me and God.

Near the end of worship, we took those heavy bags and we laid them before the cross. It was one of the most powerful worship experiences we have had in our church, because the message hit you personally. You carried the weight of your sin to the cross and left it there. Literally.

Third, the voices of the congregation need to have a space to be heard in worship. You cannot participate if you are not allowed to speak, to sing, to respond, to question.

While we don't do this every Sunday (and sometimes I wonder, why not!), every so often our worship takes on a form of lectio divina. We ask folks to reflect on the scriptures and to share with one another what they think. There are other days when I ask folks to respond with their own questions. Even hymn sings provide the opportunity for individuals to share their favorite music and why it is a meaningful selection from their own experience.

I have also realized that there are some people who will never speak up during church. They don't feel comfortable in front of large groups. I have attempted at various times to engage in The Roundtable Pulpit: Where Leadership & Preaching Meet sessions where a small group of folks help me to reflect on the text for the coming week. Those questions and ideas are then woven into the sermon. It provides an opportunity for voices other than my own to be heard and included. I love the concept, I have just had a difficult time getting a diversity of people to show up for the weekly gatherings.

Just as we have fantastic cooks in our local congregations, so too do we have people who are gifted in word, song, dance, creativity, passion, experience, and dedication. Just as we celebrate the good eats that come to the table when we feast together, so too should worship be a feast to God with all people offering together.

foolish vigor

2011-03-18T10:32:00.002-05:00

While I might be young, I'm also a bit daring. I have found myself in recent events at the front of the room instead of the back. Maybe it is my naiveity, but even standing at the front or on a committee, I wonder where the hope has gone. I wonder where the risk has gone. This isn't even a commentary on my denomination, the United Methodists... I have had many ecumenical conversations recently and I am sideswiped by "we can't do that, or get away with that" comments.

It sometimes feels like the church has lost its foolish vigor. We have neglected St. Paul's call to forget the ways of the world, forget success by earthly standards, and to just take a chance and stand with the cross. We have neglected the call to take up our cross and to follow Jesus - because we are scared of where the cross takes us. It isn't just fear, or temptation to suceed, sometimes it is just down right laziness and the tedium of daily tasks that keep us from diving in.

I think I'm able to keep going, because in the midst of all of the "safe" choices and the call to "increase numbers" and the forms I have to fill out... I hear about a few folks are taking risks.

A local presbyterian church held a Christmas Eve service this year at a bar in town. They took the risk and were invited back for next year. It wasn't a success numerically - but they were out there, in the world, and if even one person thought in a different way, they were successful.

A group of young pastors gathered in Washington, D.C. for an event I attended. We gathered in the chapel at the capital building and prayed and sang. We have found some courage from one another to try new things, to apply for grants, to start programs and to ask questions. We are putting ourselves out there - and we do so knowing that there is a small community of support to help us.

Congregations in Cedar Rapids are responding to the changing communities around them and are throwing open their doors for native African congregations to meet in their midst.

The churches who have joined mine for the Co-Missioned transformation process are all taking risks and trying to pay attention to what the Holy Spirit is calling us to be and do. We have had to let go of some things in order to embrace this time of listening and waiting. It is hard, and it is scary to let go of what we think works for us. But every time we do so, we have been blessed by God's movement.

I want us to be more foolish. To be more daring. And to trust where the Spirit calls us. Don't be afraid to step out there. Don't let your head tell you "no" when your heart is screaming "yes." Don't get caught up in this world's definitions of success - numbers and money and power... just go where God tells you, wipe the dust off your feet if people don't respond, and then go to the next place. Don't be afraid of failure. Don't worry about looking stupid. Take up your cross, with foolish vigor, and follow.

born this way

2011-03-17T13:10:00.003-05:00

A good friend helped me to find a post by Brian Kirk called "Lady Gaga, Lent, Teens, and Original Sin." It is a good read, but there are a few tweaks that I might have made to his argument.

In his article, Kirk shows how Lady Gaga's latest song "Born This Way," helps teenagers to claim their own place, their identity, in a world that sometimes tells them they have no value. He connects this message with the Jesus that loves the unloveable and who reaches out to those others have deemed unworthy.

Kirk also spends a bit of time thinking about the counter for this argument, "what about sin?" Kirk responds by talking about while Lent has traditionally been a time in which we confess all that is wrong with us and look to Jesus for salvation, there are some that don't hold that to be true. He writes:

For those of us who do not literalize the story of Adam and Eve, there is no need to literalize the Christian interpretation of Genesis in which humankind fell from a perfect creation into an imperfect one and thus had to wait, mired in sin, until a savior could come and pay our ransom. This theological perspective that sees all persons as born into sin is not persuasive for those Christians who acknowledge that we now live on this side of Darwin.

I read Kirk's response as: "what sin?"

I may not read the story of Adam and Eve literally, but I do recognize that this world we are born into is far from perfect. The institutions we inhabit are tinged with sin. The choices we make from the very beginning lead us into temptation. While I might not ever consider an infant to be riddled with original sin that taints their very existence, sin is an ever present reality that surrounds us. If there were no sin, there would be no violence, no war, no destruction, no oppression, no bullying, no shame, no guilt, no hate...

We each have a personal role and responsibility in the systems of sin that surround us. From the things we purchase, to the food we eat, to the ways we treat one another, we participate in sin. Sometimes that sin is a conscious rebellion and turning away from God and neighbor... other times it is subtle, hidden, and ignorant.

No matter how much we might ignore sin, it has consequences in our lives. When we act recklessly, we hurt people. When we ignore the cries of the needy, they suffer. When we waste and pollute, our environment is damaged. The cup of coffee I purchased this morning has implications and consequences from people I have never met and will never see. The length of time I spend in the shower this morning has financial, social, environmental implications. Sin is real. Consequences are real. We were born this way, too.

The song calls us to remember:

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

The real question is how we hold these two things together.

How do hold together the fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14) with the reality that we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)?

I recently began reading N.T. Wright's After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters. He talks about the process of developing virtue in our lives by the thousands of choices and decisions we make in our lifetimes. In the process of doing so, he talks not only about following the rules, but also following our hearts.

This is the same divide that I see between these passages in Psalms and Romans. If I am wonderfully made, if God loves me, then I can do what I want and follow my heart. But if I am sinful, then I need rules to tell me right from wrong and to save me.

Wright reminds us we need both. We need to form our character through the "rules" and to hold one another accountable to what is good. But we also need to let who we have been created to be shine through... not the "me" that does whatever the hell I want, but the "me" God intends me to be - loving, compassionate, serving one another, humble. The reality is, that "me" is inside of us. We were born to perfectly love God and serve our neighbors. God didn't make any mistakes in doing this. But we get off track. We let the world tell us who we should be, instead of our creator. We turn our backs on that reality. We sin. Christ takes all of those missteps, all of the sin inherent in our structures, the reality of evil, death, destruction, greed, power... he takes it ALL onto the cross, he dies, and he takes it all down with him. In Christ, we are finally free from all that which holds us back, from all that prevents us from being who we were truly created to be.

Kirk gets so caught up in sacrifical atonement that he forgets there are other metaphors for the work of Christ on the cross. Christ liberates our true selves from all that prevents us from being Godly. Christ shows us how we were supposed to live our lives, according to Abelard. Jesus is also the Cosmic Christ who transforms all of creation.

This time of Lent reminds me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and that I have fallen short of the glory of God that lives inside of me. It challenges me to claim the work of Christ in my life and to be better, to grow, to allow God's grace to continue to transform me.

Lady Gaga's lyrics say: I was born this way hey! I'm on the right track baby.

Maybe we should take that as a question. Who were you born to be? And are you on the right track? Are you living the way God intended? And if not, how do you get back there?

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. No matter how it is that you were made - black, white, outcast, bullied, gay, straight, male, female, rich, poor - you were fearfully and wonderfully made. Are you on the right track?

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

2011-03-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

The world we live in today has radically changed.

The people in the world have changed.

And we haven't quite figured out what that means... yet.

At the risk of sounding like an old, worn out, cranky person, I can't figure out what is wrong with kids these days.

That's at least where this post starts from. A frustration with the young people I work with week to week in youth group. They are energetic, quick to pick fights, easily berate and offend one another, like to have fun, push buttons, and exhaust me on Wednesday nights.

I'm not trained to be a youth minister. And the lack of respect for us as leaders and for one another as peers really drains and frustrates me. I'm not sure how to respond, how to build the trust that leads to respect, how to encourage them to think about what another person is going through. I'm stuck. But I love these kids and I'm going to keep at it.

What I have realized however, is that this is not just a problem I'm having with one particular group of kids.

Lack of respect is a larger societal problem.

And I think it has everything to do with authority.

I had read Carol Howard Merritt's Reframing Hope: Vital Ministry in a New Generation a couple of months ago. In her book, she talks about the diffusion of authority, the growth of grassroots and networked communities.

I love this reality. I love the fact that more people have a voice and power and the ability to determine their own destiny.

Yet at the same time, I live in institutional structures that depend on authority and respect in order to work.

The role of the pastor used to carry with it respect and authority. The pastor was a leader in the community and people listened to what the pastor said. That is not the case, today, as people double check what their pastor says with what the latest television evangelist or popular religion book says. On the one hand, I applaud these efforts. But it makes it awfully hard to encourage my church to think in a new way when they keep hearing different messages from other places.

But not only pastors have this problem. So do teachers. So do medical professionals. So do scientists. So do community leaders. As power is distributed and shared, as knowledge is filtered downward, everyone thinks they know it all... or at the very least have access to the information.

Take the field of medicine for example. I'm not feeling well and so I check some online database and think I know what I have. So I go to my doctor and present my symptoms and now I have colored my answers with what I think I have. If my doctor suggest something else or running tests, I look for a second opinion. My doctor has to worry about me suing them or governmental laws and regulations and their own paychecks.

The fact that we all have power means that we no longer trust and respect one another. We are quick to assume the worst. We are not willing to see another person as our partner, but as a threat to what we know and believe and hold to be true.

We are living in this strange "inbetween" place. The postmodern diffusion of authority is a good thing... but our society has not yet fully adapted and been transformed to this new reality. We are living with feet in both worlds - one in which we have power and knowledge and another where there are experts in their field who have answers we need.

The simple truth is... we need experts. We need people who truly focus and go deep in certain areas of knowledge to ask questions you can only ask and answer if you live in that field.

I cannot spend my lifetime becoming proficient in Greek and weather patterns and geometry and quantum mechanics and the policy implications of petroleum based energy.

But for the decisions I make in my daily life, I might need access to that knowledge.

So, we need conversation. We need a two-way path between those who know things and those who have questions and insights from another perspective.

That cannot happen unless we respect one another. Unless we can ask questions without demonizing. Unless we can see the person sitting next to us as a human being who has just as much claim and voice and power as we do . Unless we are willing to assume that someone else just might have our best interests in mind. And unless we are ourselves willing to learn, to be taught, and to work for the common good.

What does all of this mean for postmodern youth ministry?

I think first of all it means that I have to respect the experiences and struggles that my youth are experiencing. I need to hear what they say and make sure they have a voice and are heard.

This entails not only personally listening, but also making sure that they are heard and respected by one another. The "how" of this first point is something I'm still working out. It works much better in smaller groups, but we just don't have the number of adults needed to have small groups.

This has practical implications for how we plan our activities, the kind of ownership we give to our youth, and the rules/covenant we make with one another.

Second, as adults, we have to build our own trust with the youth from scratch. It doesn't just come with the job. Just because I am 10-15 years older than they are and I'm a pastor does not mean they will listen to me. And every mistake, every slip up, will set us back all the way to the beginning.

This is part of the reality of our "inbetween times." We simply wait for authority to rub us the wrong way and their cred is completely gone. Discounted. Done. If a teacher makes one mistake, they are colored that way forever. If a pastor says something you don't like or agree with, you are out the door or stop giving. If a doctor makes one mistake, the patient goes elsewhere. There is no room for grace with the limited authority figures we do have.

Third, we need a structure and a covenant to get us through this. Respect is not going to be the first impulse of our relationships with one another and so we need to find ways of holding one another accountable. At the beginning of this school year, we worked hard to make a list of five things we would all agree to do in our life together.

But it has to stick. Our kids have to believe in what those things say. We as adults have to live by those rules ourselves. And we need to revisit it on a regular basis to remind ourselves of who we are and why we are here.

I don't have the answers to this problem. Part of me wants to start from scratch, because what we are currently doing in our programs and relationship building is not working. All I do know is that our respect for one another, our ability to honor the authority each person brings, has to be the foundation for any work we do with one another.

Bible and Newspaper #2

2011-03-15T09:03:00.002-05:00

Recently, we have wrestled in various states surrounding Iowa, and now in our own state with the rights of workers. I watched the situation unfolding in Wisconsin over the last month and was appalled at how it has all turned out.

The United Methodist Church has had a long history of supporting labor reforms and the labor movement. From advocating against child labor to supporting the improvement of working conditions for laborers to advocating passage of the Fair Labor Standards Act and the National Labor Relations Act, we have been at the forefront of this issue from the very beginning.

Part of our support for all working people includes support for collective barganining. This is our current position:

¶ 163 B) Collective Bargaining—We support the right of all public and private employees and employers to organize for collective bargaining into unions and other groups of their own choosing. Further, we support the right of both parties to protection in so doing and their responsibility to bargain in good faith within the framework of the public interest.

In order that the rights of all members of the society may be maintained and promoted, we support innovative bargaining procedures that include representatives of the public interest in negotiation and settlement of labor-management contracts, including some that may lead to forms of judicial resolution of issues.

We reject the use of violence by either party during collective bargaining or any labor/management disagreement. We likewise reject the permanent replacement of a worker who engages in a lawful strike. From The Book of Discipline of The United Methodist Church - 2008. Copyright 2008 by The United Methodist Publishing House. Used by permission.

Biblically, we come at our views of labor through a number of scriptures... beginning in the beginning. The creation of the Sabbath and the command to respect and honor the Sabbath was radical for its day - it was a counter to other nations that forced their laborers to work 7 days a week. Time and space for rest, renewal and our spiritual relationships is a fundamental part of God's intention for creation and the people of God.

On Ash Wednesday last week, we read from Isaiah and remember that:

they also complain, 'Why do we fast and you don't look our way? Why do we humble ourselves and you don't even notice?'

"Well, here's why: "The bottom line on your 'fast days' is profit. You drive your employees much too hard. You fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight. You fast, but you swing a mean fist. The kind of fasting you do won't get your prayers off the ground. Do you think this is the kind of fast day I'm after: a day to show off humility? To put on a pious long face and parade around solemnly in black? Do you call that fasting, a fast day that I, God, would like?

"This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. Isaiah 58:3-6, The Message

We have a parable where all people are paid what they need to survive that day, no matter how long or hard they have worked (Matthew 20:1-16) and we have numerous prophets and epistles and proverbs that talk about the relationship between the worker and their employer (1 Cor. 9:7-11, James 5:4, Deut. 24:14-15)

But there are also verses and sayings directed at the worker. They must work hard, honestly, respecting those they work for and the task at hand (2 Thess. 3:10, Col. 3:23, Prov 12:11).

So how do we look at this situation in light of our tradition and our scriptures?

I think my first response is that at times, workers have abused the system. Sometimes workers have pushed to get more of what they want, rather than what they need. Yet, if we look at numbers and statistics being thrown around in Wisconsin.... well, there are so many numbers from so many sides that I don't even know what to believe. Some talk about the burden on the tax payers, others talk about how all of the money that goes into the pensions and health benefits comes from the workers themselves in a salary deferrment agreement, and so it is actually budget neutral.

Whatever the case, the public employee unions were in the end willing to compromise, lower their expectations, take the cuts to their benefits... but it didn't matter. The collective bargaining was what the government wanted to strip. And it did. As United Methodists, we clearly and unconditionally support the right of workers to organize and to bargain in good faith. That is now gone in the state of Wisconsin.

In Iowa, this issue is also before us. It has come up both in Governor Brandstad's Executive Order 69 which prohibits project labor agreements and in the House bill which limits the power of unions in layoff decisions. These are slightly different ways of handling the problems of imbalance between the government and workers, but as we talk to our own legislators, and as we pray and think about these issues, keep the scriptures and our tradition in mind. There are positive and negative implications for workers and for our lived reality together in both of these bills.

At the core, we need to be mindful of the public interest, our debt load and budget - but balance that alongside the needs of the actual workers. If the PLA's cause our building projects inflate the costs, that is one thing, but if they ensure fair and good wages for the ones who are doing the work, that is another. Should they be mandated? Should they be prohibited? Should they be an option? This is a conversation we need to have. Those who work, whether in the public or private sector, whether unionized or not, all contribute to our wellbeing. Good wages help support the economy by putting more money in consumer's pockets. This is a balancing game... and our scriptures and tradition have some good advice about how we find the right balance.

Pray, read, and if you feel led, call your state representantive. As a citizen of this state, you have a voice... as a person of faith, you have something to say.

Come Out the Wilderness

2011-03-10T00:01:00.005-06:00

As we started this journey of Lent yesterday with Matthew, we entered the place of wilderness and watched as Jesus wrestled verbally with the devil. It was a rich dialogue of temptation and power and scripture... with some magical teleportation thrown in there for good measure. But as Keith Mcilwain reminds us, the devil is not all pitchforks and fireworks. (For yesterday's Lenten Blog Tour reflection click here)

Today, though, we find ourselves in the gospel of Mark. He is terse with his words. He is urgent. In less verses than sum up the verbal banter of yesterday, we get Jesus' baptism, the wilderness and the first description of his ministry.

About that time, Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee, and John baptized him in the Jordan River. While he was coming up out of the water, Jesus saw heaven splitting open and the Spirit, like a dove, coming down on him. And there was a voice from heaven: “ You are my Son, whom I dearly love; in you I find happiness. ”

At once the Spirit forced Jesus out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among the wild animals, and the angels took care of him.

After John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee announcing God’s good news, saying, “ Now is the time! Here comes God’s kingdom! Change your hearts and lives, and trust this good news! ” (Mark 1:9-15, Common English Bible)

I find myself caught up in a whirlwind when I read Mark. I find him taking me places faster than I am prepared to go. I am still back in the wilderness... heck, it's only the second day of Lent - I'm barely IN the wilderness!

And here we go rushing back into the world again?

My own life has been so chaotic lately, that to spend time with this hurried verion of the gospel exhausts me. And yet, here I sit, with this passage assigned.

(deep breath)

The wilderness keeps calling out to me.

And in Mark's text, the wilderness was somewhere Jesus was forced to go.

Other translations have used words like "sent," "impelled," "pushed," "drove."

But "forced" feels different. Just because you are sent doesn't mean you have to go. You chose to obey. To be impelled or driven gives me the sense that there is something that urges you on, be it internal or external, and your own will aligns itself with that push. But to be forced... it means I don't want to do something but I don't have a choice.

Did Jesus want to be in the wilderness?

Did he want to spend forty days wrestling with Satan? Sure, there were angels watching out over him, but it was also the wilderness! Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

I get the sense that any rational person wouldn't choose this situation. Jesus didn't want to be there, but he had to do it. He had to spend this time apart. He had to get ready for what was to come. Jesus had to make sure his head and heart and body were aligned before his ministry started. It was going to be a rough journey and he was going to be working with some knuckleheads of disciples... not to mention the cross that would loom before him.

He had to be forced to take this time apart, because after the wilderness, there was a job to do.

I sometimes have to force myself into the wilderness of Lent, too.

I'm really too busy to spend any extra time in prayer and fasting and study... I've got a job to do. I have important ministry that takes place.

But when I force myself to stop... when I hand a piece of my life over to God for a while... I find that all those priorities re-align. I suddenly remember it's not about me.

Maybe it is a good thing that before we can even blink Mark has led us through the wilderness and back out again into ministry.

When I stop to think about it, I am comforted by the fact that the wilderness is not forever. It is not something we do just for the sake of doing it. We don't even spend time in the wilderness to please God... as our passage reminds us, Jesus has already done that before the time "out there" has begun.

This time apart gets us ready to come back out of the wilderness.

I have recently re-discovered that old song, "Come Out the Wilderness." Unlike some versions that are jubilant, I prefer this rendition that is minor and plaintive.

It reminds me that I'm going to come out of this time in the wilderness.

It reminds me that sometimes the wilderness will make us want to weep... or pray... or shout.

It reminds me that most importantly... when we come out the wilderness, we do so leaning on the Lord.

My ministry is not about me. It is about proclaiming something that is far greater than I will ever be. I am only one small part of a much bigger body. Even Christ when he came out the wilderness didn't point to himself, but to God's kingdom that was coming our way.

We sometimes have to force ourselves to spend time in the wilderness to get our heads and hearts screwed on straight. We have to force ourselves into this time of discipline, this time of waiting, this time of dependence upon God and God's mercy, so that when we come out the wilderness, we will remember it's not about us.

fasting in secret, doing justice in the daylight

2011-03-09T08:40:00.001-06:00

Last night in Disciple Bible Study, we very timely read the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew.

As a class, we wrestled with the implications of such contradictory phrases: being salt and light, letting the whole world see the witness of our life - vs - praying and fasting and even almsgiving in secret.

How can we be witnesses for the Kingdom of God if everything we do is secret?

I've often loved the familiar quote by St. Francis of Assisi - Preach the gospel, use words if necessary.

We are supposed to be salt, flavoring this world for the Kingdom... but do it in secret?

It has always seemed strange to me that as we put ashes on our foreheads on this holy day and walk back into the world, we read the gospel:

And go out into the world to feed the hungry and to weep with those who mourn; to share your bread and to rejoice with others. And do it not for any heavenly reward... but do it because the Lord loves them. And do it because YOU love them too.

Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them (Matthew 6:1)

Yet as we wrestled, clairty started to find us.

We created a distinction between our personal piety: our prayer life, our fasting, our giving and realized that those aspects of our piety have nothing to do with other people. It is not done for others, it is done for God. No one else needs to know what we have given up, what we sacrifice, what time we have spent with the Lord. It is not for them... it is for God.

On the other hand, this same God reminds us that the fast he chooses is a life lived out in public:

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? ⁷Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? (Isaiah 58:6-7)

These actions have to be done in the world. You can not do them from the quiet of your closet.

God is calling us to both personal and social holiness, public and private repentance, transformation of heart and mind and soul and body.

As a Wesleyan, these two make perfect sense together. Love God, love your neighbor.

Fast and study and pray and worship, not for any reward but just to spend time with your Lord.

what we are saved from matters - or - what if Rob Bell has a point?

2011-02-28T23:49:00.002-06:00

I'm just a small voice, but I have a two cents to add to the pot on this whole "Rob Bell Universalism" controversy.

Before his book is even out, folks are making all kinds of assumptions about what it says. And there are probably enough indicators in the youtube preview of "Love Wins" that you can say a whole lot.

But I want to back the question up a little bit.

What I think Bell is pointing out is that soteriology matters. What we believe we are saved from is important. Who is saving us means something. What that process of redemption entails determines a whole lot about how we treat other people and how we live our lives.

Soteriology matters.

If God has already condemned all of us to a place called Hell because of the actions of a man and a women in a garden thousands of years ago... and then God saves us from that condemnation... we might think and act and worship a certain way.

If, however, our actions then and our continued actions now are themselves "hell-making"... if we are creating the conditions of hell each and every time we hurt one another through our action and inaction and if we dishonor our relationship with our Lord by turning towards the darkness rather than the light... then salvation looks different. Then, maybe Christ saves us from ourselves... and then the Spirit empowers and sanctifies us to live the way God intended.

There are subtle differences in those two concepts (and they are only two among many!), but the differences are important.

Historically we have at least three major ways of understanding what Christ does for us: Christus Victor, Substitutionary Atonement, and the Moral Example theories of Abelard. All three have a basis in scripture. All three say something very different about what is wrong with humanity, about what hell looks like, and about how salvation is imparted into our personal and corporate lives.

Last summer, my congregation and I explored these various understandings of atonement and found all three of them interwoven in the book of Hebrews. Christ is the priest who lays down his life as the final and perfect sacrifice. Christ is the prophet who calls us to a different way of life. Christ is the king who triumphs over the lesser kings of this world and conquers for us.

It gets complicated... but it matters. Where we end up on these questions of salvation change how we interact with our brothers and sisters in this world. It changes our relationship with the one who does the saving.

And, I might also add, our inability to fully understand and agree about salvation ultimately says more about us than it does about God.

As I read the "good book" from beginning to end... as I look at the scope and span of the scriptures... no matter how we fail and get it wrong, no matter how strong the forces for darkness are in this world - in the end, love does win.

That is the firm hope that I stand on.

If God doesn't win... if love and life and light don't have the final say, then all is for naught.

I have many good friends who are reformed theologians of the Calvinist flavor. And I understand their predilection towards preserving the sovereignty of God Almighty.

But what I want to know is why can't that preservation of God's sovereignty also leave space for the hope that God's power is so great that it can transform and redeem everything?

Jurgen Moltmann once said in regards to claims he might be a universalist:

I'm not a Universalist because there are some people I don’t want to see again – but God created them and would certainly like to see them again. Universalism is not only to speak about all human beings, but to speak about the universe, the stars and the moon and the sun and the whole cosmos.

If I were to summarize Moltmann's statement it would go: I'm not a Universalist, but God might be.

Moltmann reminds us that at the end of the day, this is God's story... not ours. Who are we to tell God who can be saved and who cannot? Who are we to limit the story of salvation to humans or a sharp distinction between a place called heaven and a place called hell?

When I read Revelation and Isaiah and whole host of other scriptures... I find a story in which not only people, but the whole creation groans for salvation. I am invited into a story of recreation, of redemption, a story where a new heaven and a new earth are realized and where God dwells among us. And the way I read the story... love does win.

How we get there matters... but what really matters that the one who made us wants to redeem us... and has the power to do so.

the world is my parish

2011-02-28T23:06:00.000-06:00

Bishop Trimble recently reminded a group of young clergy that we are not appointed to congregations... we are appointed to communities.

It was something I had not really considered before he made that statement... and it was a refreshing thought.

In many ways, I had assumed that my ministry was both in my church and in the community that surrounds it. That's kind of the way my missionally-minded brain works.

But since he spoke them out loud, I have really taken his words to heart and have felt emboldened in the work I do "out there."

If I'm honest, it might be one of my favorite parts of my job.

Way back when... okay, only three or four years ago... wait... holy crap... seven or eight years ago!... I thought I was called to be a deacon. I felt that my ministry was as much about being out in the world as it ever was to be in a congregation. I heard God calling me to be a bridge between the church and the world. And that is the essence of what I understood the ministry of a deacon to be.

But then this little whisper started to tug at my soul. It was the sacraments. The bread and the wine and the water kept speaking to me. And then they took hold. My ministry might include the world... but God was also calling me to use the church as the vehicle of my ministry. God was calling me to break bread as much as he was calling me to break barriers.

Long story short... my journey has come full circle. I am now an ordained elder with sacramental authority AND I get to work in my community. God had a plan long before I could ever see it or understand it.

I've blogged before about my outreach and relationship building through funerals and weddings in the larger community. I have been the main organizer around the community worship in the park for the last two years - an amazing opportunity to share in worship with one another AND to share in the one loaf and the one cup.

What I have not done as well in my first three years of ministry was to get involved actively transforming the community. But this year, my work with youth got to me. I realized I had to go deeper to help them. And somehow I'm now on a school improvement advisory committee and hosting an ongoing conversation about how the community can better support and encourage our youth.

This work is so completely different from what I do on a day to day basis in the church. Much of that difference has to do with having the authority of a pastor.

My ministry in my congregation is ministry "with" not ministry "for." I am not someone who throws around my weight... instead I see my role as empowering my people to do ministry themselves. I would rather work alongside my parishoners than lead them.

But in the community, the role of the pastor takes on a different flavor. As one youth parent said a couple of weeks ago, "When I go to the school office and talk about a problem, it's more of the same. When Pastor Katie says something, they listen."

To be honest, that authority scares me a little. But it is also exciting. God has put me in a place where I can speak on behalf of these parents and I have a powerful voice. God has put me in a place where I can make connections between people and provide a literal space for those new relationships. God has put me in a place where I have a real and tangible ability to make a difference.

Tonight, our little community group met again. And while the start of this journey is small and the momentum is slow, I can already sense the possibilities. I am energized by the true and living hope that God is doing something in Marengo. And I pray with thanksgiving that I get to be a part of that work.

its not an 8-5 job...

2011-02-26T20:55:00.000-06:00

For the past month and a half... probably actually since before Christmas... my schedule has been chaotic.

You are told things when you start out in ministry about how pastors sometimes work 80+ hour weeks and how you are on-call 24/7 and how your life just might get sucked up into a vortex of ministry.

I didn't believe it.

Or rather, I was committed to not letting it happen to me.

And I must say that for a full three years, I have done "okay" at keeping my boundaries firm.

I scheduled my day off for Friday so that I would have two full days off in a row. I took time off when I worked too much the previous week. I don't fret about afternoon naps or mornings sleeping in when meetings are scheduled for the evening. And when the weather is warm, I have a robust desire to spend my free time on the disc golf course or in my garden rather than being cramped up in the office. I get my work done, I spend time with folks, but I make sure to take care of myself, too.

But 2011 has been absolutely nuts.

I realized this morning as I was riding in a car to yet another Saturday church-related function that I had only spent about an hour with my husband the entire week. I realized that it is the fifth Saturday in a row that I have had something going on... between funerals and conference meetings and church retreats. I realized that since I made two hospital visits and worked on the newsletter yesterday that I have not had a day off this week.

What on earth happened?

I think part of the slip in my boundaries has to do with a number of important things going on in the life of the church that I have chosen to prioritize and give extra time to. I also ran into a week with four funerals and was gone for a week and therefore had catch-up work.

But there was another shift in my household that I didn't quite take note of. My husband started working 8-5, Monday through Friday.

Before this, B had worked with his dad and the time was flexible. The only time I knew he would be working away from home was on Tuesdays... other than that, he would go in on-call and work a lot from home. They fix computers and I am always amazed at the ability to take over a client's computer and do updates and take care of issues from the comfort of our home.

All of that changed when my father-in-law had a seizure just after the new year.

We don't know what caused it, but it happened.

And now, he is not allowed to drive, and the two of them have become an inseperable team... heading off to see clients together and working from his dad's office.

Before this, if I had to work in the evening, I got an afternoon to spend with my husband. Fridays almost always were free for both of us. And even when I got home from meetings, we would stay up late watching movies because we both had the freedom to sleep a bit later.

Now, my husband gets up before me and is out the door before I have a chance to really wake up. My evenings are just about as busy, which is why three nights out of five this week I wasn't home before 8 or 9 or later... when he was getting ready to settle down and turn in.

It's easier to say yes to a hospital visit or a meeting on a Friday, because I don't have anyone at home waiting for me.

There is definately something to be said for having a stay-at-home spouse when you are in ministry. I wonder if others of you who have spouses who work have similiar frustrations. How do you balance out the time with your husband or wife or family when one of the traditional "weekend" days is taken up with work and ministry? How do you find time to spend with one another when weeknight meetings are a regular part of the job?

I have always cherished the flexibility of my schedule. But I'm starting to resent it... a little bit. I miss my husband. I miss my days off. And this chaos has got to get some order put to it.

Bible and Newspaper #1

2011-02-24T10:08:00.001-06:00

Coming home from a recent conference in Washington, D.C., I'm trying to be more courageous. But I'm also faced with the reality that being a pastor, and ministering to a diverse group of folks... I can't always link and share and say everything that I want to...

So, here is what I am going to do.

I'm going to continue to encourage us to look at the world with the bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other. And when stuff comes up that affects us all, I'm going to try to point out where our church has spoken on the issue and how we have interpreted scriptures.

So, for the first one, we might as well dive right in to the hard stuff: Abortion.

I do not believe abortion can be seen as a starkly black and white issue - all are bad or all are good... real lives of real people are bound up in these life and death decisions. And no matter what choices we have made, our task as Christians is love and care for one another - to help people heal and to be whole.

For those of us who are United Methodist and from Iowa, I encourage you to read House File 153 and to hold it in light with our own denominational position on abortion and our best understandings of scripture. Both Exodus 21 and Psalm 139 come to mind... one does not hold embryos, fetuses, or any unborn child to the same standard of life and the other does.

And perhaps, also think of the implications of such a law. How would it affect birth control which in part prevents the implantation of fertilized eggs? How would it affect emergency contraceptives? How would it affect the decision making process when the life of the mother is at risk if pregnancy is carried to term?

And not related to the issue, what does it mean for checks and balances that included in this bill it is written the Supreme Court has no jurisdiction over a portion of our legislation.

Pray, read, and if you feel led, call your state representantive. As a citizen of this state, you have a voice... as a person of faith, you have something to say.

the disarming power of a story

2011-02-23T15:26:00.001-06:00

Social Justice.

General Board of Church and Society.

Social Principles.

In some circles... those are swear words.

To take a stand, to say that the Bible speaks to our world today, to speak truth to power is DANGEROUS.

But it is also what we are called to do.

I found out about the GBCS Young Clergy Capital Hill Leadership Forum through an email and my first thought was: SIGN ME UP!

You see, I read my bible and I come across those passages where we are supposed to welcome the stranger... and then we have anti-immigration laws being bandied about in our states. How do I preach God's word in the midst of that?

I read my bible and I find this tension between life that doesn't completely count as life in the laws of Exodus 21 and the idea that God knows us even in our mother's wombs in Psalm 139. How do I respond when our state legislature proposes changes to laws about abortion? How do I lead my congregation through a discussion where we can be open to God's instruction and aware of the reality that surrounds us?

Photo by: Wayne Rhodes. Full article here.

So... I saw this event as an opportunity to educate myself even more about how to navigate the Bible, the positions that we take as United Methodists, and the lived reality of my parishoners.

What I did not expect was to be surrounded for four days by stories.

Day after day, presenter after presenter, we hear stories of call. We heard stories of barriers broken down. We heard stories of hope. We heard stories of awareness and maturity. We heard stories of belonging and stories of being on the outside. We heard stories of mentors. We heard stories of challenge.

Every single presenter told us where they were coming from. They spoke out of their own faith experience. They told us how they got to the place they are today.

And then, and only then, and with very little time remaining, they talked a little bit about the issues.

For a day or two, I have to admit that I was frustrated by this. I was wanting some meat... some practical tools... some things to take home and do.

But then I realized that was exactly what I had recieved.

I realized that the simple act of telling your story changes the conversation. When you tell the story of your faith and invite the person sitting across from you to tell yours - you no longer can hurl labels and threats. You can no longer question that persons faith or sanity or patriotism. You have met them as a person and now you must treat them as a person.

Any discussion of the issue starts from a completely different place. It begins in a place of mutuality, of respect, of awareness that we are both children of God.

It starts in a place where we each have something to tell, we each have a way that this story has personally impacted our lives. And so we move past the soundbytes and the bullet points to a place of real dialogue.

I came home from Washington, D.C. with the disarming power of a story.

a few bytes of inspiration

2011-02-20T15:30:00.005-06:00

I took copious notes at the recent GBCS forum I attended in Washington, D.C.

And then I came home and had hoped to decipher and debrief, but ran smack into four funerals and piles of mail and pastoral visitation needs, and a husband who missed me, and family gatherings... you get the picture.

But remember, I took notes!

So here are some of my attempts at wading through the tiny print all over my folder from the event... the statements and questions that continue to linger in my mind:

Can we balance the budget without hurting the poor? This is the top advocacy issue for economic justice.
the difference between lobbyists and advocates: one works for the benefit of their organization, the other works for the benefits of others and do not raise money for legislators.
government of the people, by the people, and FOR the people
The United Methodist Building was built before the Supreme Court that is next door to it.
Your call is: one sentence, impossible, won't let you go.
Pastors stand at the gaps to bring reconciliation between people - the pastor has to get involved... and you have to win the hearts of the people
We say, "WE BELIEVE..." but will we help usher in these things that we believe so firmly in?
Legislative priorities adopted by the GBCS are based on our Book of Resolutions and Social Principles.... but also depend on what congress is actually going to focus on that year.
Do we have FOOLISH VIGOR?
Everyone needs to be proud about what THEY bring to the table... otherwise there cannot be alliances, partnerships, solidarity
the church is never called to be partisan, but always called to be political
EKKLESIA means to be called out - called out of the world, from the world... the church is the body that is called out, and calls out.
Congregational vitality has everything to do with Justice and Mercy... we can't feed people's souls if they die of hunger.
A leader is someone who makes sure no one falls down (7 year old boy)
Do we really believe the UMC can change the world? Do we really believe God can work through us to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the TRANSFORMATION OF THE WORLD?
In Defense of Creation talks about three systems that destroy: hunger making systems, war making systems, and desert making systems. The intersection of these destroys life.
Evangelism is absolutely connected with Mercy and Justice ministries... as long as you communicate WHY you are doing what you are doing.
you have to have some kind of personal engagement with what you do... in D.C. policy is traded without an awareness of lives that are affected. We need to know what the INCARNATIONAL IMPACT OF JUSTICE is.
The point of justice is not programs and issues but relationships...
To be Christian is going to COST something... faithful sacrifice.
Ask folks how they feel about this issue personally... how does it affect them? what is it like to read the news? where do they have fears and hopes?
the UMC is a leader on Capital Hill because we have United Methodists who passionately care about the issues.

Anything catch your eye? Anything you want to talk more about?

youth group and hitler

2011-02-09T21:20:00.002-06:00

I don't have the energy or discipline required for 6-9th grade boys and girls. It is exhausting. But I love them, so every Wednesday night, we gather.
Tonight, with Valentine's Day coming up I found this cheesy game in an email about collecting hearts and whoever gets the most wins and then some even more cheesier questions and love. But the follow-up scripture was a very familiar one that is dear to my heart:

You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength and with all of your mind. And you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

So we played it. And it was kind of fun.But then it came the time to talk about it.

We got to talking about who our neighbors were. Were they just the old couple who lives next door? Or the cranky mom who won't let us play basketball? Just people in our town? In our county? In our state? in the world?

In the way things do happen with this extremely talkative group (which was only boys by this point), we got to talking about "illegal immigrants" (I'm trying very hard to encourage folks to use the term undocumented... many of them actually did come here legally but circumstances have prevented them from going home, renewing visas, etc.) and "terrorists."

We started asking whether it was fair to characterize a whole group of people.

We asked if people who do bad things deserve our hatred or our love if we are Christians.

We started wondering about how folks get to the point where they allow terrible things to happen in their own country, like people in Nazi Germany. We wondered if we would have stood up for our neighbors and faced prison and death on behalf of another person. Would we have gone along, or would we have sacrificed ourselves and our families?

Would we have tried to leave? Where would we have gone? Would we have entered a country illegally if we thought it was our only place of escape and refuge? Would people have welcomed us or turned us away? Where are the folks who come here coming from? Would they have come legally if they had the option?

We found ourselves ending with Deuteronomy 10

Look around you: Everything you see is God's—the heavens above and beyond, the Earth, and everything on it. But it was your ancestors who God fell in love with; he picked their children—that's you!—out of all the other peoples. That's where we are right now. So cut away the thick calluses from your heart and stop being so willfully hardheaded. God, your God, is the God of all gods, he's the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn't play favorites, takes no bribes, makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing.

You must treat foreigners with the same loving care—
remember, you were once foreigners in Egypt.
Reverently respect God, your God, serve him, hold tight to him,
back up your promises with the authority of his name.
He's your praise! He's your God!
He did all these tremendous, these staggering things
that you saw with your own eyes. (The Message, verses 14-21)

It was not at all where we thought the evening would end up... but these kids are smart. And when you can get them to talk one at a time, they have some fascinating things to say. My prayer is that they will go home and never look at their neighbors... the grumpy guy next door, or the strangers who live all around us, or the brothers and sisters we see on the television half way across the world... the same way again.

Ezra and Nehemiah... rewriting history

2011-02-09T17:15:00.001-06:00

In my local emergent cohort, we have been reading Phyllis Tickle's Prayer Is a Place: America's Religious Landscape Observed. As this book has been in the back of my mind, I have been thinking about how we look back and view history. As my carpool buddy Tim put it, we are always rewriting history and every history has a slant.

As I dove into Ezra and Nehemiah then this week with our Disciple study, I have been wrestling with how they, too, are rewriting history. They come parading back into the land they were so visciously torn away from and suddenly begin setting themselves apart, above, against those who are already in the land. They are so terrified of being punished again by God, of being sent back into exile, of having all of this tenuous peace destroyed that they immediately begin talking about righteousness and what makes them righteous. All of the foreign wives they fell in love with and the children of those marriages have to go. This is about purity, this is about a common identity, this is about trying their darndest to not make the mistakes of the past.

I found myself greatly disliking these two books as I read them through this time. I lamented the fact they were so exclusionary, so focused on works and rightousness and reclaiming what was theirs. I had never seen the texts in that way before, and it troubled me.

But I realized that we also have a group of people who grew to experience God very differently in the land of exile than their brothers and sisters who were left behind in Israel. And so when they come back, they find folks who did not sit by the waters of Babylon and weep. They find folks who managed to go on worshipping God in the land without the temple. They find folks who are now complete strangers to them... adversaries.

Having this revelation about Ezra and Nehemiah helped me to see how difficult it is to lay claim to a space in the world without pushing others away. In any attempts to define ourselves, we inevitably also say what we are not. We tell our stories in such ways that show how we have arrived at a certain place and that might mean that others must be written out of our histories. Is this a good or a bad thing? Is it simply reality?

Alongside these two accounts, we also find the prophet Haggai who tells this story without such an exclusionary tone. We find the story of Esther who was in the diaspora and who saved her people by her relationship with the gentile king.

What a wonderful thing it is that our sacred texts can hold these contradictions together. That we can witness to both our struggle to self-identify and to include, to be a people among people and to be a people set apart. What it means to be faithful in this world is not a black and white story, but it is a complicated interweaving of telling our stories, saying who we are and who we are not, working to make the best of our lives in a given place, our attempts to be faithful, our mistaken journeys down wrong paths... and through it all, God is still God.

And thanks be to God that in each of our readings of these sacred texts we are lead deeper into a realtionship with God.

my afternoon as a "telemarketer"

2011-01-29T18:06:00.000-06:00

As our church is working on discerning their vision and mission, we have felt led to get some input from the community. We want to know what others think about the needs in our midst, what they feel about the church's role in our community, and what they might like to offer to help meet those needs.

So our grand idea was to have a phone bank.

We created a script.
We got some volunteers.
We put a notice in the paper that we would be calling folks.
We organized some yummy treats.

And then we got together to actually do it.

Our numbers were small, but mighty.

We practiced our phone calls with one another, edited our script, divided up the phone book for our community and our list of inactive/less active members, and set to work.

*ring, ring* = voicemail

*ring, ring* = no answer

*do, do, do* = this number has been disconnected.

*hello, I'm calling from the Methodist Church... CLICK*

My cell phone only records the last 20 calls I made, so I have no idea exactly how many I did make... but it was well over 20. I talked in person with only four individuals.

Others in our group had much better luck. Two other women talked with at least seven people. The lone man in our small bunch had well over 13 responses. (Which makes me wonder about whether people are more willing to talk to an older man than a young woman who just might be a telemarketer selling something)

We talked with folks who were churched and unchurched, young and old, who lived in town and in the country. Probably 70% of the people we recieved information from people indicated that their top concern was the youth of our town. It was amazing to have such a common response, although it was spoken of in a few different ways.

We ended the afternoon tired, worn out, but feeling like some good listening occured. It wasn't the way I usually think of a church group spending the day, but I think we heard from a few people we probably never would have talked to.

Our next step is a lunch with community leaders to get their perspectives about how the church can better support/encourage what they are doing and what needs they also see.

It's quite a journey!!!

conflict is a reality

2011-01-28T11:20:00.000-06:00

I have now been a part of my church community for three whole years. It is amazing how fast time has gone by and how much we have accomplished with one another.
As I reflect upon my time in ministry, I feel very blessed. We have been a family. We have worked together. We worship and study and minister. And through it all, there has been almost no conflict!

I have to admit... that last statement makes me a little uncomfortable. In part, I feel like we have been "playing nice" with one another for some time. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wonder sometimes if I have done too much comforting of the afflicted and not enough afflicting of the comfortable.

During this season of Epiphany we have been exploring Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians and it provided an excellent opportunity to talk about conflict. While Paul urges the people to be united and not divided in heart, I wanted to make sure that my church heard that conflict, in and of itself, is not bad. It is a reality. We will have differences of opinion. We will have varying perspectives. That is a good thing. How we deal with conflict is what gets us into trouble. Paul's problem is not with the differences, but the fact that their differences have pitted them against one another; he urges them to seek a common unity in the cross of Christ.

As Christians, we have to be able to speak what we know. We have to be able to listen to what other people have to say. We have to dive into the Bible and let it be our foundation. We need to let the Holy Spirit guide us. All of these are good ways of handling conflict.

But we haven’t always let those things be our guide. And past conflicts have in many ways left this congregation tired and worn out. And so we choose not to engage anymore. We choose to be quiet. We choose to not participate.

I was reminded by a friend this week that what will destroy the church is not opposition from without, but indifference within. When we are content to sit back and let others make decisions… when we are afraid to speak the truth… when we don’t feel like we have anything to contribute… that is when the church should be worried.

While I am grateful for not having huge problems to deal with, I also want my congregation to know it is okay to speak up.

Speak up if we are going too slow or too fast. Speak up if you don’t understand. Speak up if you have a question. Speak up if you disagree. Speak up if you agree. Just participate. Be engaged. And know that every single one of you – from the quietest to the most outspoken – is a part of this Body of Christ… each of you are important and vital. Each of you has something to offer. Don’t be afraid.

I wrote those words a few days ago. And this morning, I have been glued to my computer as I watch the protests in Egypt.

Egyptians protest in central Cairo today.
Photograph: Khaled El Fiqi/EPA
(from guardian.co.uk)

A commentator on the live Al Jazeera English broadcast said that these protests are so unprecedented because for so long, the Egyptians sat back and were not involved. They had become complacent and indifferent.

And then, they found their voice. A number of people have said that the Egyptians are no longer afraid. They are welcoming the tanks on the streets... it is a dare to continue protesting and they are taking up the challenge.

People from many different walks of life have come together today to protest the regime that has been in control in Egypt. Young and old, religious and non-religious, men and women have taken to the streets all across the country. There are men in suits and in jeans and t-shirts. Conflict is rampant...

Some are peacefully present. Some stop in prayer. Some hurl rocks. Some shout. Even in the face of lines of communication being shut down, they are not afraid to speak and to continue to find ways to get their message out. What has troubled me today is how violent these protests have turned. Years of pent up anger and frustration are being spilled out through fires and projectiles being thrown. Violence from the police and army and violence from protestors feed on one another.

Today, the conflict that has erupted is good. The greviances of the people should be heard. But let us pray that both people and government might find peaceful ways of resolving this conflict, of talking and communcating, of finding a way forward.

a strange beauty... #reverb10

2011-01-15T11:04:00.001-06:00

A few days ago, I happened to catch an interview with Simone Dinnerstein on NPR. She has come out with an album that is an interpretation of Bach masterpieces for piano called "A Strange Beauty." The pieces themselves are wondrous and in the interview she talked about how she almost invisions them as jazz compositions. The voices shift, there are notes that speak to her that are not a part of the melody, the little discrepencies that truly make these pieces different.

In the album notes, she quotes the scientist Sir Francis Bacon: "There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion." The most beautiful things are not those that are symmetrical and perfect, but that draw our attention, make us slightly uncomfortable until we settle within it, creates a holy and beautiful disturbance in our souls.

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

So what is that about me? What makes me a strange beauty? What are the qualities that stick out like a sore thumb, and yet are the reason people draw close?

It is a hard question to think about. I often want to leave these qualities for someone else to name, but this whole process is about self-reflection, about seeing ourselves the way others see us. So here is a list of what I have come up with:

My eagerness - foolish, naive, excited, passionate, unafraid. I'm willing to dive in, raise my hand, say yes before I have a chance to think about it. Part of this is my youth, but I think my congregation loves it in me because I inspire them to take chances as well.

My shoes - I have always loved shoes. I remember these platform mary janes I had in high school. Now, it is the red flats, the pointy toed, high heeled boots, the slip on suede privos... they share my personality for the day and are a conversation piece.

My inquisitive side - I always have questions. I always want to know more. Maybe this makes me strangely annoying rather than strangely beautiful.

My ability to see gray areas - I find myself straddling the line between positions. I see the pros and cons, but more than that, the passion and emotions with which people make their arguments. I am a peacemaker, a negotiator, and because of this, I almost never have "the answer." It is not for a lack of confidence in my position, rather my love and passion for the process that has led others to their own.

My voice that developed very late - I was never a good singer growing up. My mom told me once that I was off key as we sang aloud in the car on a trip. I'm not sure I quite got over the sting of that until I was much older... I loved to sing out loud, whether I was good at it or not. In high school I took voice lessons, sang at competition, and never did well. My upper range had not developed and I was a very sad second alto because my very lower range wasn't the best either. Sometime in college/seminary, I found my voice. This past year, I have sung solos twice in church. I have found a confidence and a passion in my voice I never knew I had. And I think the confidence is what makes my voice beautiful. I'm not afraid for people to hear me sing anymore.

jaded?

2011-01-13T08:32:00.001-06:00

At a clergy event on Monday, a colleague of mine and I sat near the back. We are very good listeners... but sometimes a little snarky. Sitting that far back, we can pass comments quietly to one another without disturbing everyone else =) Really, we are trying to be good participants!

In both that event and in a few subsequent gatherings with clergy, from a variety of places, I have found myself this week very aware that there are some jaded folks in our midst.

Image by: Przemyslaw Szczepanski

They are isolated from their congregations theologically and spiritually. They are hurt from past successes no one took notice of. They feel called to do something, but don't see any support structure to guide them. They have had times of failure and are afraid to try again.

I bet almost every single pastor that I encountered this week could write part of that story. And to be sure, some have very positive responses to these experiences and have moved on. Some just have these jaded days once in a blue moon. But I think so many have had them, that I'm sensing it has led to a frustration and lack of trust and community among the larger body.

As a young adult, we see what is going on and we are doing EVERYTHING we can to prevent ourselves from getting there. We are building networks of support amongst ourselves - cell groups that develop geographically, but are not silos... we welcome folks in and out as we pass through one anothers ministry. We sit with older clergy and welcome them into our midst as we share with one another the strengths and trials of our ministries. We take time to vent and to grieve and to celebrate. And we are trying to advocate for one another.

There is certainly a lot that can still be done to continue to build this network. We are trying to connect with those going through the ordination process to offer support, but we have met a few road blocks. Our semi-annual retreats don't always get off the ground (ice storm, anyone?!). And we are still seeking more ways to deepen the connections we share. And sometimes we are a little cliquish... we could do a better job of expanding our horizons and stepping out of our own comfort zones more often. When we do, it is often through our colleagues/RIM group/Sub-District, rather than diving into relationships with folks we have never met. Might I also add that we are naive and hopeful bunch?

Hope is not a foolish thing, however.

And even if it is, aren't we called to be fools for the sake of Christ?

What I most hope today is that our snarky little attitudes never become jaded. That we can have fun with one another and question without feeling threatened. That the trust we are building amongst ourselves truly will bring life to the dry bones and transform the clergy of future generations... with God's help.

my very own cohort... #reverb10

2011-01-11T15:27:00.002-06:00

Still catching up on the 31 reverb10 prompts from the month of December. Little by little, I will get through them all!!!
So tomorrow, we start with our first monthly gathering of 2011. We are looking at Carol Howard Merritt's "Reframing Hope." (I wrote some about it yesterday) I can't wait to continue the conversations and to meet some of the new folks who will be joining us for the first time! Plus, Fusion has this Maccu Piccu Mocha that is absolutely to-die-for. Totally yummy. (just saying.)

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

In the last year, a new group of conversation partners have begun meeting in Eastern Iowa. In some ways, it started with connections made at the JoPa Theological Conversation with Jurgen Moltmann back in 2009. A few of us realized - hey, there are Iowa folks here! And we committed to gather more locally and chat.

I also recieved an email from a guy who wanted to start talking about emergent theology/church themes near the beginning of that year. We live nearby and a coffee shop conversation began.

Since those initial plans, the Eastern Iowa Emergent Cohort was rebirthed. I'm not sure who started it, or who was involved, but the conversation had gone silent for a while. But we have some new faces, some new energy and last year planned three face-to-face conversations.

It has been so strange for me to enter these emergent conversations, because I am what Carol Howard Merritt calls a "loyal radical." I am firmly planted in the tradition and I wouldn't leave it for the world, but there are facets of the emergent movement that so speak to me. The deep sense of community, the diffusion of authority, the importance of communal discernment, the focus on a rule or way of life, the place for questions, etc. There aren't a lot of places to talk about that either in the hierarchical church (although I am making those connections) or in the local congregation I serve. And to be honest, I have not come into the community through traditional venues like blogs and books either. I kind of just discovered it on my own and then sought words to explain what I was thinking/feeling.

You see, I first was introduced to the entire idea of emergent theology and postmodernism back in Nashville, Tennessee. I can still remember walking down the sidewalk with Kay Hereford Voorhees and learning all about postmodern theology on a sunny afternoon. I was working at a large, very traditional, uptown church that had this little quirky group of folks who were exploring other ways of being faithful. We began an emergent worship service before we even quite realized what we were doing. We had an intimate and holy community of faithful folks who weekly walked with one another. I miss that group of folks VERY MUCH!!!

As I prepared to move back to Iowa, I knew what a gap would be left in my life, and so this blog was an attempt to fill that gap. But I also longed for the types of conversations having through cohorts meeting at the Flying Saucer in Nashville, or the Emerging UMC (version 1) event we had. Iowa seemed like a barren landscape, void of partners. Boy was I wrong.

This new community is a breath of fresh air. It is a chance to ask questions and wrestle with folks who think the way I do... and find themselves in congregations like mine. Some of us maintain contact on twitter or facebook, but these three gatherings have turned into a desire to have a more frequent relational contact.

stitch and bitch #reverb10

2011-01-10T18:10:00.000-06:00

I first learned how to knit sitting next to my college president's wife - Patty LaGree. We were hanging out in the lounge of the chapel and she taught a small group of us how to cast on and knit and purl. I was hooked (haha, no pun intended.)

I made a few things here and there, mostly really simple scarves.

But a year ago, I learned how to crochet at a young clergy retreat. I haven't looked back.

There is something about holding that yarn and hook in your fingertips that is empowering. You can make mistakes. You can tear it all back out. You can leave the imperfections in. You can create beautiful, beautiful things with a few flicks of your wrist.

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

So I got this bug to actually make something significant this year and have very nearly succeeded in crocheting three blankets - one for my neice and my two nephews.

I began all the way back in June at annual conference and have since carried these balls of yarn and hooks with me everywhere I go. They have been amazing ways to pass time at conferences and really do help me focus on what is going on.

The youngest one's blanket... which I started first... is ALMOST finished. It was still in pieces at Christmas time when the other two recieved theirs. But I made significant progress on it today and it will hopefully be completed this evening... I'm really that close!!!

To see more pictures of each blanket look here

Taking Authority

2011-01-10T17:16:00.000-06:00

In her book Reframing Hope: Vital Ministry in a New Generation, Carol Howard Merritt discusses the "diffusion of authority," the empowerment of the fringes, and the "celebration of noncelebrity" in her chapter on Redistributing Authority.

As I read those words, I began to feel a strange sense of validation for what I am doing. I have a voice. I have the ability to write. I have a conversation that I want to start. I want to participate. But I don't want to do it alone.

This whole blogging adventure has been, fundamentally, about maintaining the connections with colleagues and schools of thought that have fed my theological and ecclesiastical development. It is about hanging on tightly to those threads of tradition that have sustained my faith. It is about picking up pieces scrapped by others, deemed unworthy, and trying to figure out what we need to hear about God from them.

And at times, it seems silly.

At times, I find myself floundering around, trying to make sense of the world around me.

At times, I'm wrestling by myself with questions that have no real answers.

At times, I feel a little overwhelmed by the system and all of the things that I am supposed to do, all of the details of ministry.

At times, I really do not have the time to be a part of this kind of time intensive dialogue.

At times, I don't have the energy to fight the man and to call out the parts of our tradition and practice that trouble me.

And at times, I really really really want to share something and it's not appropriate to do so yet. Not enough time and space has passed to allow the insights of a particular experience to be shared.

So I give up here and there. I flounder. I don't claim the authority I do have. I feel that what I'm doing here is not really very important.

But then, today, I find myself surrounded by colleagues in ministry at an orders event and suddenly my name is called out for all to hear. Someone has pointed to my blog as a place where vital theological reflection by United Methodists is being done.

And I feel humbled.

And a little embarassed.

And more than a little encouraged to keep doing what I am doing.

To take authority.

To keep writing.

To keep thinking.

To continue the conversation.

To accept that although I may be a young pastor, a small town pastor, someone on the fringe, someone who hasn't yet put in my years, that I still have something worthy to say.

To give myself space and permission to keep writing.

Who is God?

2011-01-09T17:16:00.000-06:00

I realized today how theologically illiterate my congregation is.

That may seem like a slam, or a critique, but it is a simple reality.

And it is a reality that is not their fault.

As we began our discussion of Max Ludado's Outlive Your Life we focused for a bit on a very simple question: If someone who didn't know much about the Bible and was not a Christian asked you to describe what God is like, what would be your answer?

The room went silent.

They all stared at me... or their navels... for a few seconds.

And then someone confessed it was a really hard question.

As a religion student, as a seminary student, as someone who has prepared intensely for ordination examinations... it was an easy question to answer for me. I had taken some time to think about it. I've wrestled with what I want to say. And depending on who I am talking to, I can talk about what God is like in a variety of ways. I talk about incarnation... about God taking flesh. I talk about love. I talk about grace and mercy. I talk about a God who blesses us with a way, a path, a rule of community to follow.

I don't have to sit and think for thirty minutes about what I might say. It's right there.

But it is because I have taken the time, already, to think about the answer.

That room full of people had not.

Throughout their religious life, they had learned to read the bible. They have found comfort in the words of scripture and strength for tribulations. Devotional texts inspire them for daily living. Sermons have given them morsels to chew on. Some of them may have memorized catechisms... although many probably don't remember them. They have been given some very excellent tools for theological reflection... but they have not been taught how to use them FOR theological reflection.

There was a critical step missing.

In the realm of reading we might call it comprehension or application. You move past the ability to read the words on the page and learn how to apply them, how to expand upon them, how to use them in different contexts.

My congregation has learned to read and study and listen... but they have not yet learned a theological language.

I'm not talking about big and fancy words. As our book points out - Peter and John spoke very effectively about their faith while at the same time coming across as "unschooled, ordinary men." (Acts 4:13) We don't have to have an storehouse of knowledge... we just need to know how to apply and consolidate and process all it is that we have been learning.

Theology at its root is simply words about God. How do I teach my congregation to speak in words about God? How can I teach them to answer a simple question like, "who is God?"

I don't want to give them "answers." I think that our movement away from memorized catechisms and wrote learning can empower us to think for ourselves, to develop the skills necessary to learn even more complex things.

But how do you begin to teach critical theological thinking? How do you begin to encourage congregation members to draw conclusions, to speak out loud words from their hearts about God?

My first step is to simply have this conversation. To point out that this is tough work, but that as Christians, we are called to be able to articulate what we believe. We need to do the work.

My second step is to stop providing answers all the time. I was asked point blank how I would answer by someone in the course of our discussion. At that point, I realized any answer by myself would limit their ability to begin down this path of wrestling.

But I also turn to you, blogging world. What has helped your congregations to develop this kind of language? Do we simply have to wait for the Holy Spirit to show up when we open our mouths? Can it be taught? Where do you begin?

Saturday night with the drag queens

2011-01-05T21:53:00.001-06:00

Saturday night I had an awesome time helping my super best friend since fourth grade celebrate her impending nuptuials. AKA - Bachelorette Party!!!

If I had been wiser, I would have taken Sunday off as one of my vacation days... but I am saving one for this spring when her wedding actually occurs. As it was, I had to get up early, teach and preach the next morning. Yet I promised her sister when I wrote back to RSVP that I would be there, but that she could count on me for a designated driver.

As it worked out, I didn't have to drive at all until the very end of the night. We had a blast stopping by the piano lounge, the downtown fieldhouse, and then making a stop at Club Basix. For those who are not familiar, Club Basix is known as a "gay club." Which was more than obvious when we walked in the door and the drag show started.

Now, if I am being honest, I have been to more than a few drag shows in my day. We had them to raise money for the AIDS project of Central Iowa. We went to them in divinity school (as a lady... it is much more comfortable to dance at the gay clubs - less guys hitting on you all the time!) And now, I can say that I have been to one back home.

As someone leaned over and mentioned soon after it was getting started: Where else can these people go in Cedar Rapids? (more on that thought later)

The show itself had its highs and lows. There was one particular number that I was pretty appalled by... okay - it was raunchy and I had to turn away... but for the most part I enjoyed the experience. I think the best was a rendition of "Bad Romance" by a queen in mismatched pastel boots, gold knickers, a red tutu, rhinestone glasses and a tie-dye shirt... it was ah-mazing.

Later that evening, we were dancing and headed outside for a second for some fresh air. That particular queen was outside also and we struck up a conversation. My friend, Cara, had been called out at the end of the show because of our celebrations and so she was asked about the wedding. As she and I stood there, at one point, Cara replied - and she is marrying me!

It's true. I am marrying her. Well, I'm doing the marrying. I'm doing the wedding... well, I'm a pastor - that's what we do! However your phrase it.

So it came out that I was a minister. And not a "get a license over the internet person" who performs weddings for people who frequent establishments like Club Basix. (I was asked that.) But a genuine, ordained, main-line pastor. Out at a gay and lesbian night club at 1:30am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning.

And do you know where the conversation turned? To faith sharing. Our new friend shared with us that she was baptized Methodist. We talked for a bit about the places we came from. I was asked about gay marriage in Iowa and if I could perform those types of ceremonies. And she asked me to pray for her. And I will. I am.

My adventure at Club Basix began with a simple statement - where else can these people go in Cedar Rapids? And it ended with the realization that there are a lot of hurt and broken people in that building. Folks who have been shut out of families. Individuals who feel scared and alone. Friends who have built new families around one another... new communities of support because their churches turned them away.

What better place for a pastor to visit? What an amazing place to be able to talk, for even two minutes in the freezing cold outside, about the love of God? To leave my own comfort zone, to go and be there on their terms, to listen, and to just be Christ's presence in that moment. There is no place that I would rather have been.